Harry Potter and the very bad idea - anorc - Harry Potter (2024)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

“I'm a – a – Horcrux” said Harry, looking at Dumbledore’s Pensive they'd all just exited. “Well, that solves my worries about why I wasn't trained properly. Why Dumbledore was so bloody vague.” He exhaled, and took a deep breath then exhaled again slowly.

Hermione eyed him “Harry what are you doing?” she asked.

“I'm trying to take deep, calming breaths” said Harry, his voice strained, his hands clenched into shaking fists “It's a bit of a first time for me, and it's not working too well.”

“Um” said Hermione eloquently.

Ron sighed and put an arm around Harry's shoulders. “Harry” he said, and started dragging Harry across the Headmasters' office “We need to have a talk. A very serious talk. A talk, Hermione that is man to man and not, with our best friend listening.”

Ron pulled Harry down onto the spiral staircase and it descended, dropping them outside the Headmasters office entrance.

“Ron,” said Harry quietly, “If you start confessing your undying love for me, I'm going to lose it, hex you, probably lethally and go see Tommy Boy with a plan that consists of … go and die.”

“Don't be bloody silly mate!” said Ron “I was thinking you could um… go grab my sister and um… show her the inside of a broom closet. Before you die an' all,” said Ron, blinking away tears.

“Ron…” said Harry “Isn't she seeing Dean or is it Michael?”

“Look mate, the second you express any interest in my sister to her, she'll drop them like hot potatoes. And considering what you have to do. There's no way my sister' would turn you down.”

“Ron you're basically pimping your sister, and you haven't talked to her in hours. And then only for seconds. We've been on the run. Peoples feelings change.”

“You spent the entire year looking at a dot on the map that said Ginny Weasley.” said Ron. “You are stuck on her.”

“She's dated other blokes,” said Harry angrily.

“To make you jealous mostly” said Ron.

“Well it bloody worked!” said Harry angrily.

It's good to know you're not perfect,” said Ron, “Come on, I'm off to pimp my sister.”

With the Marauders map, it was easy to find Ginny; she wasn't on it, so they went to the Room Of Requirement.

Ginny was in there, organising people. Well, yelling and pointing like a giant quidditch training session, only it was the DA preparing for war.

“Gin,” said Ron, “You and Harry need to have a private talk right now.”

Ginny rolled her eyes and went to a small side door in the room and opened it into a spacious school bathroom. “Over here” she said.

Harry went in and leaned against a sink. Ginny came in and shut the door behind her.

“We know how to beat him now” said Harry. “The Snake needs to die, and it's really hard to kill, but there's one other thing”

“What?” asked Ginny seriously.

“Voldemort… he split his soul up, put bits in things to stay alive. The diary was his first, but he made more. We've got all of them except the snake. Well… we thought so. Snape turns out he was working for us all along. He … Dumbledore told him a few important bits he didn't tell me.”

“Get to the point Harry” said Ginny crossly.

“There's one more, it's in my scar” said Harry “So I've going to take up Tom's challenge... and let him kill me. That'll kill the horcrux.”

“And you'll die” said Ginny “And you told me why?” She looked paler all of a sudden.

“Well, Ron thought … seeing as how I'm about to die?” said Harry “I still love you Ginny… I just… I'm going to die at dawn.”

“Ron thought I'd drop my knickers for you?” asked Ginny, sarcastically.

Harry blushed.

“There's one tiny insignificant problem with that Harry” said Ginny coldly “You've got a bit of HIM in your head. How can I tell if what I feel for you is real, or just …. left-overs from Tom controlling me in first year. Before you told me that… I was about to jump on you. Now… go and die Harry. If you came back sans-Voldemort, well, I expect I'd be dragging You off to check how many times the chosen one can manage to bonk me in one day. As you're currently infected with the soul of the person I hate most in the entire universe, piss off. I think I’m going to vomit” Then, she turned to a sink, and did.

Harry left the bathroom and Ron blinked “Blimey that was quick” he said.

“Ginny threw up” said Harry curtly.

“Don't put it in so far,” said Ron, nodding. “Beginners mistake.”

Harry went red in the face. “Ron” he said slowly “Never… ever imply that you and … just f*cking not,” said Harry, shuddering.

“There's no need to be rude” said Ron, being prickly.

“Ron” said Harry “I'm about to go and get killed. Don't make my last hours any worse than… your last terrible idea.”

“Well… maybe one of Hufflepuff girls?” asked Ron.

“Ron” said Harry sharply “Shut the f*ck up. I need a better way to get rid of a soul.”

“Kiss a Dementor” suggest Zach Smith, walking past, and just butting in.

Harry considered that for a moment “No, they're working for him now” he said, wanting to hex Zach so very badly. “If only there was something that took souls that wasn't a Dementor.”

“Oh like a demon from the pits of hell?” asked a passing Luna Lovegood, looking quite battered. “They take souls as payment for wishes. Only a complete moron would do that. Don't be a moron Harry” she said sternly and rather coldly. He was reminded that Luna was firstly, a Ravenclaw, and secondly, pretty irritated (for her). She didn't really have the sweetest temper all the time. Being imprisoned and tortured seemed to have made her less… cheerful. Harry sighed, who was he kidding, he was a complete wanker to his friends a lot of the time, and had… accidentally killed his godfather Sirius…. Suddenly, like a last-ditch quidditch play, he had an idea.

“Ron!” he shouted “Library, restricted section. Get Hermione” he said, and threw Ron the Marauders map, dashing for the exit of the Room of Requirement before Ron could even say “Oh crap” at the thought of a new improvised plan from Harry’s exhausted brain.

Harry pulled on his invisibility cloak and went down to the library, reenacting his first foray into gathering controlled knowledge.

Harry looked for a book with a title like 'Demon summoning basics'.

Eventually he found a big, black and red book locked in a form-fitting riveted metal cage on a lectern, with a massive padlock. The title was something about demons. 'De Re Diabolica' And the book was snarling. Harry felt a moment's affection for his old Monster book of monsters. This bloody book, scaly and leathery, had teeth… all fangs.

Harry tried various sensible choices of unlocking spells, and nothing worked.

Harry inspected the padlock very carefully, checking if a tiny snake was perhaps scratched into it. It was not marked with a tiny carved snake.

By the noise behind him, Ron and Hermione had arrived. They dropped their disillusionment and Hermione asked “What's your hair-brained idea?”

“We summon a demon, and pay with the bit of Voldemorts' soul.” said Harry “I'll bet Demons are perfectly capable of undoing Horcruxes.”

“Harry” said Hermione in a patient, 'why do I even hang around with you two idiots voice', “If you could sell other people's souls to demons, then Voldemort would have used them to make himself supremely powerful.”

“Um” said Harry “He is supremely powerful. We've no proof he didn't do this already. I also think that having part of the soul… in my head will help. Like I've got a signed blank cheque. He wasn't expecting to make me into a Horcrux. I don't think he even knows he has. He never notices when we destroy them.”

“This” said Hermione “Is the worst idea you've ever had.”

“No” said Harry “Walking to my death is the worst idea, and that's my backup plan.”

Hermione stopped talking, and looked at the book “There's no way you're getting that open. It's in Hogwarts a History. They threw the key through the veil of death in the nineteen-fifties.”

Ron patted Hermione on the back “And your obsession with that book pays off again.” he said.

Harry took his wand and tried firing a cutting curse at the padlock. It zinged off and disappeared into the spaces above the bookshelves. The padlock was undamaged.

Harry had an idea, smiled, and Ron whimpered “He's had an even worse idea” said Ron, face turned down.

“Ron, you hold the padlock still, and I'll hit it with a gouging curse” said Harry.

Hermione sighed and cast a silent charm on the padlock, causing it to float at a better angle for cursing.

“What's that spell?” asked Ron.

“It's pronounced Wingardium VeviOhSa” said Hermione blandly.

“Right” said Ron “Harry, rather than risk having my hand amputated… just take the shot.”

Harry cast a gouging curse on the padlock, and… a tiny scratch formed.

“This is going to take forever” said Hermione.

“No, it won't” said Harry “I have another idea.”

Ron started bashing his head against the nearest bookshelf. “Should” bash “Have” bash “Been” bash “Friends” bash “With” bash “Malfoy” said Ron, alternating words with hitting his head on the shelf.

Harry cast three gouging curses in quick succession, leaving a long, s-shaped scratch on the padlock

Harry knelt by the padlock and stared intently at it and hissed “$Open$.”

The padlock clicked open. And Hermione fainted.

Ron stopped giving himself concussion to pick Hermione’s head up and hold her hands “Hermione, please wake up” he asked.

Harry started prying open the extremely stiff cage around the book.

Hermione's eyes fluttered open “Oh Ron” she said, looking at Ron dazedly “I had the worst nightmare that Harry just opened an un-openable lock by scratching an S on it and hissing at it.

Ron seized the moment, and leaned forward and kissed Hermione on the lips quickly “He did” said Ron “But… it's a better plan than Harry just going and dying”

Hermione sniffled “The world has gone mad” she said.

Ron kissed her again.

“Oy” said Hermione “Stop kissing me” she sat up “You're exploiting my weakened state.”

“No” said Ron” I'm just doing what I should have back in fourth year”

Hermione burst into tears at that.

“Bloody Hell!” exclaimed Ron “She should be pleased!”

“I think” said Harry, still trying to lift the metal cage off the book “She's overcome with emotion. Also… she's probably going to hex you later.”

“You going to hex me later?” Ron asked Hermione, whose hair covered her face, and she shook her head.

“She's not going to hex me later” said Ron cheerfully, dropped Hermione , whose head hit the floor with a thud, and he stood up and pulled up on the metal book-cover. It groaned and with two people pulling, opened enough for the book to dart out and latch it's fangs onto Ron’s elbow, which started to spurt blood.

“Bloody Hell!” said Ron. “It bit me!”

Harry tried stroking the spine, and it took an awfully long time for the book to let Ron's elbow go. So long that Hermione had stood, and cast a charm on Ron's elbow.

“Well” said Harry, “No time like the present” and he opened the book.

Harry read, Hermione pushing in to read, Harry having to look over her hair to see the book. The instructions were childishly simple.

“Seems awfully simple” said Hermione dismissively.

“Basic demon summing in the first chapter. You'd expect it to be simple” said Harry “I expect the hard stuff's at the back of the book. You can read that later.”

“We'll need salt… some tall candlesticks… blood, and a soul” said Hermione, running her finger down the text.

“Defence classroom office,” said Ron.

“We'll need a stone floor in contact with the earth” said Hermione “One of the disused dungeon rooms.”

“In Slytherin territory” said Harry.

“Disillusioned” said Hermione. “We'll set up a standard set of charms to keep it private once we're in place.”

“I'll get the salt from the kitchen” said Harry “Ron. You get the candlesticks.”

“And I'm doing what?” asked Hermione.

“Spelling up a convincing fake book” said Harry “Then lock it back in. Then get down to... the second room on the right.”

“Why there?” asked Ron.

“Because… otherwise we'll be wandering around like Gryffindors on a Horcrux hunt” said Harry. Hermione snorted.

Harry walked quickly down the stairs, his cloak covering him well, and soon tickled the pear to get into the kitchen.

“I'd like a bowl of salt,” said Harry.

A sickly looking house elf handed Harry a mixing bowl of salt.

“Don't eat it all, you'll be sick,” they advised.

Harry nodded, and left.

Ron had somehow got there first, with a pile of five foot tall candlesticks with candles.

Hermione arrived in time for Ron to be explaining that Hermione was totally not like a sister to him, and blush. Harry wanted to be sick. Maybe if he ate some salt?

Hermione decided the salt was all needed to mark out the circle and pentagram.

The Candlestick went in the points, and Ron lit them with the deluminator.

“It's also a lighter. Neat!” Ron observed “Much less useless that I thought.”

“Harry, you sit in that triangle there, and Ron and I stay outside the circle even if something bad happens.” she said firmly.

Harry sat where he was bidden.

“Sure” said Ron.

Hermione read out a lot of Latin, that started to sound quite like gibberish, then a song, then, the words changed and it stopped sounding like Latin, or even Hermione's voice.

A grey wisp appeared in the centre of the pentagram, and ever so slowly, filled the space there with grey fog. A dark figure appeared in the grey fog, much like a half-seen shadow on a dark night.

A deep bass voice that was like Kingsley Shacklebolt, if he smoked a packet of cigarettes with every meal said “Greetings Mortals.”

“We're interested in selling a soul” said Hermione.

The deep voice said “We don't accept brokerage trades.”

“I'll be selling the soul in my scar” said Harry “In exchange for which, I want Sirius Black back from the land of the dead.”

“You want someone back.” said the Demon “That can't be done.”

“He fell through the veil of death two years ago” said Harry urgently.

“Oh… well, that is a special case” said the demonic voice, and it chuckled in a way that seemed a bit boding, really.

“Do we have a deal?” asked Harry urgently “Otherwise you can bugger off”.

“We have a deal” said the Demon “Lean closer ... mortal.”

“Harry, don't enter the space the demon is contained in” said Hermione urgently.

“I'm not an idiot Hermione” said Harry, carefully leaning forward till his forehead was on the line.

The Demon must have reached forward in the grey mist, as a clawed hand was visible, dragging something black and fluttery like a fragment of a dementors cloak out of Harry's skull, with a noise a lot like the sound of spell-o-tape being pulled off the roll.

“This isn't complete” said the Demon.

“Is that a problem for you?” asked Harry.

“Not really.” said the Demon “Don't try that again. We don't ever accept brokerage trades.”

Harry leaned back and nodded “Now, one Sirius Black?” he asked.

The Demon chuckled “I can only leave him in here. Pleasure doing business” they rasped and faded away, the mist clearing on an empty space, marked out with salt.

“Bugger” said Harry “I'd hoped they'd keep their word”

With a thud, Sirius Black fell from quite high up onto the centre of pentacle. “Ugh!” he groaned.

“This could be a trick” said Hermione.

“As him something only Sirius could know” said Harry, feeling odd. All floaty and light. And… like his forehead was wet. He reached up, and touched a wet forehead. He looked at his fingers. Blood. Scar was bleeding again. But… no headache, not even a low-level twinge.

“Harry,” said Sirius Black from the pentacle, “Is this is a practical joke, you've put far too much effort in.”

Harry waved to Hermione. “Hermione!” he asked.

He turned his head and Hermione was looking oddly at Sirius.

“We just sold you-know-who's soul to a Demon for Sirius Black back from the land of the dead” said Hermione. “This… your plan actually worked Harry!”

Sirius rolled over and lay on his back “Hermione. Stop the prank” he said firmly. “A daydream charm to make me think I went to the ministry, then stunning…. Where are we?”

“Hogwarts,” said Ron “The Death eaters are about to attack and Harry's had a … brilliant idea and saved a lot of work.”

“That sounds like Sirius” said Hermione. “Sirius, what loving words did your mother have for me?”

“Mudblood scum,” said Sirius “A noxious painting of a noxious woman.”

With that Hermione kicked a gap in the salt circle “Harry, Sirius you can get out” she said.

“Hermione” said Sirius “I'm still a wanted criminal.”

“No you're dead,” said Harry, “Died two years ago.”

Sirius hugged Harry “Can a dead man do this?” he asked then kissed Harry on both cheeks “And you're officially my favourite godson.”

“I'm your only godson,” retorted Harry, who must have got salt in his eyes because he was crying as he hugged Sirius. Hermione poked Harry’s bleeding scar with her wand, and it stopped bleeding.

“Excuse me,” said a cultured girls voice “Much as I don't want to break up a touching family reunion.”

Harry looked around, and a blonde girl in school robes dropped her disillusionment and appeared, hand under her chin. “I just found out I'm about the become unbelievably wealthy and politically powerful, and I'd just like to thank you all for bringing it about” she said, waving her right hand, and smiled, showing dimples on her cheeks.

“Yer what?” asked Ron, drawing his wand.

“Weasley,” she said “Do any of you know what the current penalty for dealing with demons is?”

Everyone shrugged except Sirius, who said “I vaguely recall mother mentioned it's… Azkaban, I think.”

“So in return for not dobbing you three heroes and your… un-deceased mass murderer in” said the girl waving one hand dismissively “All I want is… a hefty share of the Black family fortune, the Potter family fortune and… well you two are poor” she said, pointing at Ron and Hermione “So endless favours. I expect in the post-war ruckus you three will come up smelling of roses, and Potter will no doubt be given the equivalent of a thousand points. Probably an order of Merlin, First class.”

“I'm not going back to Azkaban,” said Sirius, drawing his wand.

“My name is Daphne Greengrass, and I am a member of the Sacred Twenty-eight. You can't just obliviate me and send me on my way!” she said, with a quaver.

“Hermione, do her,” said Ron bluntly.

“Granger!” cried Greengrass as Hermione's wand came up. “I was never mean to you in class. Doesn't that count for anything!” she pleaded.

Hermione flicked her wand threes time and Greengrass's arms and legs snapped straight, her eyes closed and she stuck to the wall behind her.

“That,” said Sirius “is disturbingly much like seeing my relatives dealing with people they don't like. Stunned, fully body bound, banished, and sticking charmed to the wall?”

“It's good isn't it” said Hermione, grinning toothily.

“Bloody terrifying” muttered Ron.

“Well, I should sneak home before I get arrested.” said Sirius “What did Ron mean, do her?”

“Oh, obliviate and implant false memories” said Ron “She did her parents, sent them to Australia under fake names.”

“To keep then safe!” said Hermione shrilly. “Death eaters were certainly going to target my parents.”

“What about blondie?” said Harry.

“Wipe the last hour, give her a memory of eating cake or something,” said Ron dismissively.

Sirius cast a spell, and looked thoughtful. “Nobody else is hiding in here.” he said, and cast the spell on the door, and squinted.

“Someone's hiding outside the door,” said Sirius “Clever girl. She has backup. Almost certainly disillusioned too.”

Ron went over to the door and found a pink fake ear jammed in the large gap under the door.

“We're being overheard” said Ron “Someone’s using an extendable ear.”

“Buggering bloody bollocks” said Sirius. “Hermione, wake her up and let her down.”

Daphne Greengrass relaxed off the wall, pushed her hair behind her ears and stood up straight. “So, some vows?” she asked.

Sirius nodded “You're a very Slytherin young lady, you know that” said Sirius.

Daphne Greengrass smiled briefly. Harry felt her smile was a bit like a knife.

“Kreacher!” Sirius said and the decrepit old house-elf appeared with a pop.

“Bad Master?” croaked Kreacher “But... you died.”

“And Harry and friends brought me back. Especially Hermione Granger. Now, Kreacher, fetch Aunt Elladora's rings. And be quick about it.” said Sirius.

“Rings?” asked Harry.

Daphne Greengrass paled “You… you would wouldn't you?” she said, staring at Sirius.

“Please Miss Greengrass, you'd get all the money and all the control. We just need a fig-leaf to hide under” said Sirius. “Ron, Harry, Hermione… clean this up. Leave nothing behind.”

Harry and Ron started vanishing salt, while Hermione cast some tricky spells on the tall candlesticks, melting them into bedspreads.

“Bedspreads?” asked Daphne Greengrass.

“Candlewick's” said Hermione. “One step.”

“That's outrageous” said Daphne, and picked up a bedspread, and folded it “Not bad, for someone who didn't do seventh year” she said.

Hermione cast packing charms on the bedspreads, turning them into a neatly folded pile.

“Well, you'll make someone a great housekeeper one day” said Daphne Greengrass.

Kreacher reappeared presently with a jewellery box, which Sirius opened and took out a large ring from, and handed to Harry “Harry, give this to Miss Greengrass. It'll keep her from telling anyone and ensure she gets paid off.”

“What one ring can do all that?” asked Harry. It had a large purple stone.

“There are some magic words involved” said Greengrass drily.

“Harry No!” said Ron “My sister!”

“Your sister suggested I go and die, Ron. Then threw up, from talking about my medical condition. The one we just fixed. Not a big fan of old Tommy, your sister.” said Harry.

“Harry, say ‘Daphne Greengrass, will you marry me?’” said Sirius “It's the quickest way to get the whole thing sorted, and you needn't worry, nobody expects either party to either love or be faithful.”

“Like the French then?” asked Harry.

Greengrass snorted and Hermione looked pink in the face.

Harry held out the ring … which was a large gold thing with a shiny purple stone on it. “Daphne Greengrass will you marry me?”

“He does still have to fight you-know-who and win,” said Ron, “So it's not that bad a deal really.”

“Ron!” said Harry “I'm about to go out for something much bigger than school quidditch, you're not helping me get my head in the game.”

“Yes, to marrying me,” said Daphne Greengrass, “I provisionally accept. My family will insist on an heir for the Greengrass family, as I'm the eldest.”

Sirius inhaled sharply. “sh*t” he cursed “Should have recognised the name. Should have learnt the names” he muttered to himself.

“Uh Sirius? What do I do?” asked Harry, nervously.

“Say 'The provisions are acceptable to the house of Black,'” said Sirius. “I've died, so I'm out of the succession.”

“The uh, The provisions are acceptable to the house of Black and the house of Potter,” said Harry.

Daphne picked the ring from Harry's sweaty fingers and put it on her left ring finger, and admired it. The stone slowly glowed purple, then faded.

“Well, welcome aboard,” said Sirius. “Standard house controls apply, you can't testify against family on pain of … well don't do it.”

“The ring is cursed?” asked Daphne Greengrass, tugging at it. It didn’t come off.

“Aunt Elladora was many things, and the family appreciated her not rampaging about,” said Sirius.

“Kreacher” said Hermione “Take these bedspreads to Grimmauld… oh. It got invaded didn't it.”

“Kreacher?” asked Sirius “Did we have unwanted guests?”

“Two Master. They're in the dungeon.” croaked Kreacher.

“Have you been feeding them?” asked Sirius.

“No” croaked Kreacher. “Master did not tell me to.”

“Get rid of the dead death-eaters. Dump them at the ministry.” said Sirius, pinching the bridge of his nose “But wait till tomorrow to do that.”

Kreacher nodded.

“We should go back to you-know-where and get organised” said Harry, who looked over at Greengrass, who was looking at her ring, holding it up to the witchlight. “Is this Amethyst?” she asked.

“Yes” said Sirius “So sorry, but you're teetotal from now on. Well mostly. Mother said Aunt Elladora would just drink a bottle of firewhiskey to get squiffy.”

“It's magic?” asked Hermione.

“Aunt Elladora, great-great-great-aunt Elladora never married but was... a character by My family's standards” said Sirius “Keeping her mostly sober at family get-togethers kept the peace. And... well she had a temper problem. By Black family standards. The same family that raised Bellatrix LeStrange.”

“Wow” said Harry.

“She started the tradition of beheading house-elves and mounting their heads” explained Sirius.

“Ew” said Greengrass “That's disgusting, and unacceptable.”

“Yes Mistress” croaked Kreacher.

“Take the bedding and clean the place out” said Sirius “Oh, and try to stop the death eaters.”

“Can Kreacher use the Hogwarts house elves?” asked Kreacher.

“Oh course” said Sirius lightly and Kreacher vanished.

Harry gave Sirius the cloak “Sirius… go unseen and… maybe help. They're attacking at dawn, I think.”

Sirius nodded “Not the first time I’ve helped out from under this old thing” he said, and vanished under the cloak and left the room.

“Do you need me to be an invisible ally?” asked Daphne “I could probably organise with some friends to … stun and bind certain students?”

“Please do” said Harry “Let’s not have to fight other students.”

“Says mister I just summoned someone from the land of the dead” muttered Ron.

“I don't have an endless supply of souls stuck in me to do this with.” said Harry.

“Well I'd better go talk to my insurance” said Daphne Greengrass, tapping herself on the head and vanishing into a blur, and the door opened and shut.

“Ginny's not going to like this” said Ron “After you gagged her on your knob.”

“What?” asked Harry sharply, “No, she sicked up thinking about a bit of Tom being in my head, you berk!”

“Oh” said Ron “Is my sister actually that sensitive?” he asked, looking surprised.

“Apparently the fear that her attraction is from Tom's messing and the horcrux in my head is enough to put her off” said Harry with a frown. “Not that that matters anymore as my dear godfather just sold me off.”

“Better sold off than slaughtered,” said Hermione, who was looking a bit sick.

“Hermione?” asked Ron carefully “What's wrong?”

“I was imaging how Ginny was feeling, her doubt about her feelings about Harry. It's dreadful.” said Hermione.

“You say dreadful, I said I'm not getting a snog after this is over,” said Harry. “Greengrass isn't... well my anything. Not really.”

“Come on” said Ron “We've got a battle to plan.” They went back to the Room of Requirement.

The Room of Requirement had grown crowded with some older Weasleys, and Arthur talked to the trio.

“The Order are here, and we're spreading around the castle” Arthur explained.

“Well that's something” said Harry happily “Now we only have to beat You-know-who and co. in the morning. With a couple of dozen Order members to help.”

“And some of the trustworthy Aurors.” said Arthur “They'll be along in a few hours, there's certain people in the ministry on the lookout for … well us.”

Harry was pressed into a bed by Mrs Weasley, who hit him with an odd charm and he fell asleep.

Harry woke to Arthur Weasley shaking him. “He's here” said Arthur “Wants to duel you.”

Harry looked around the room of requirement “Hey, Neville?” Harry asked.

Neville came over, looking a bit battered.

“I haven't found the snake yet” said Neville apologetically.

“Use the sword of Gryffindor” said Harry “But don't take needless risks.”

“We could do with the bloody death-eaters carking it” said Ginny. Harry nodded.

“We've got some… pot-plants” said Neville. “Which we, Professor Sprout and us positioned last night.”

Harry went to the seventh floor windows. At the far edge of Hogwarts grounds, various dark robed wizards stood around, and near the forest, a black mass seethed.

“Bloody spiders” said Ron “I hate spiders.”

“Ron?” asked Harry “If you were to fly over there, and cast fiendfyre… would anyone care?”

“Well I wouldn't” said Ron. “I bloody hate spiders.”

“Harry!” said Hermione, sounding scandalised “You might set the forest on fire.”

“Which apart from the centaurs, who seem to all be over here” said Harry “All the nice beasts can run off.”

“Gawp?” asked Hermione.

“He's here” said Harry, staring down towards the gates “He's here… down by the front gate with a huge club.”

“Cool” said Ron, peering. “He looks… a lot smaller than the other giants.”

“He's a runt” said Harry bluntly “But he means well.”

“I wonder” said Hermione “How many wizards it would take to transfigure Gawp bigger?”

“Dozens” said Ron “Dozens and dozens”

Hermione tore off yelling “Ginny!” she yelled “Get all the seventh year transfiguration students!”

“Think it'll work?” asked Ron. Harry shrugged.

The experiment failed, but they transfigured up a massive army of stone lions instead.

Which… stacked up and made a gigantic statue.

“Well, that's not going to last long” said Ron dismissively. “You can't be relion on it”

“Come on” said Harry, utterly ignoring Ron's pun, “time to go”

“What am I doing?” asked Ron.

“You're covering me.” said Harry “Come on.”

Chapter 2: Chapter Two. Shut up and Dance.

Chapter Text

Lord Voldemort paraded up to the front courtyard of Hogwarts.

“Harry Potter!” said Lord Voldemort in a loud, high-pitched voice.

Harry stepped out of the huge open front door and walked towards Voldemort, wand ready.

All the doors of Hogwarts were open, like it was a weekend and students were going to be using the grounds.

“Tom,” said Harry, “Lets duel.”

Lord Voldemort chuckled, “Oh, such a brave little boy you are now. How you've grown.”

“Yeah Tom, come on,” said Harry, turning side-on and adopting a duelling stance like Snape’s.

“I'll let you cast first,” said Voldmort breathily, to titters from the Death eaters.

Harry's wand slashed downwards 'sectumsempra' Harry whispered and Vodlemort's robe were slashed to ribbons, his white, unnatural looking body cut almost a dozen times. Voldemort chuckled “Oh Harry, I'm so much more than –“ then he coughed blood, and the wounds started bleeding freely, red blood, like anyone would have, he looked suddenly confused, and he fell, like a crumpled origami crane, onto the cobbles, where he lay unmoving.

“Anyone willing to surrender?” asked Harry “You were all terrified of him, and I killed him like swatting a gnat.”

A number of death eaters turned tail and fled. Harry took the opportunity to summon Voldemort’s white wand. It looked… a lot like the headmaster’s wand. Harry’s now. It felt… really good in his hand. Not like his wand, but… eager, like a firebolt instead of a comet three-sixty.

“Cowards!” yelled Bellatrix LeStrange, lashing her wand at her fleeing comrades, knocking them down.

Then, suddenly, her head fell off, and her body squirted blood for a second, and fell over.

“Again, anyone willing to surrender, snap your wand and lie on the ground” said Harry, pocketing the white wand.

And that's when the acromatula's near the forest caught fire with fiendfyre. The strange screams of the burning acromantula were unnerving.

Then the Giants strode forward, to be met by the stone giant, nearly as tall, but punching with stone fists, and around Harry, a massive army of stone statues and animated suits of armour flooded out of all the opened doorways. Doorways that were a way for what was inside to come out, as much as a way for what was outside to come in. Professor McGonagall, standing in the front doorway lifted both hands high in the air “Attack them!” she said loudly.

Then people on the battlements started firing hexes into the massed death eaters.
A tall, hairy man in dark robes with no hood sniffed “There's –” he said, and lost his head too.

“Greyback has died” said Harry using the Sonourous charm “Bellatrix LeStrange has died, and Voldemort died by my hand. Snap your wand and lie down!”

Harry then cast a shield charm, disillusioned himself and ducked behind a convenient fountain as a pitched battle started between the statues and the death eaters. And a lot of very nasty curses shot in Harry's general direction.

Further away, the stone giant had finally had its fist connect with a giant, who fell over like a tree that had been cut at the ground. The bloody fist of the stone giant swung again and the giants turned away and ran, looking impossibly slow moving, but travelling very quickly.

Figures on brooms fired … ouch that looked like fiendfyre at the giants, and it burned them, but didn't seem so… fiendish. Which seemed to encourage the flyers and more giants got burnt, not killed, but they yelled and ran off, dropping their clubs, patting at their burns and running away.

The 'massed army' of death eaters seemed almost defeated, but the wizards and witches slowly fought the statues into pieces, smashed the suits of armour with levitated bits of statues, and then the stone giant turned and stomped up the path to the mass of black robed wizards, and someone was still issuing some orders, because they fired spell after spell at the giant, breaking it up into its constituent rocks, which turned back into lions and fell, quite literally in some cases, upon the death eaters. With a hundred more stone lions biting black robed figures, Harry retreated into the castle, and the doors all closed, and the sound of the spell battle continued. Harry dashed upstairs and took the side door onto the battlements to a scene of carnage he'd never expected to see. The defenders, who'd seemed to be doing so well, had taken many injuries, and the walkway behind the battlement was fill of witches and wizards, mostly Hogwarts aged, with bandages, bleeding, or lying still, Harry found an open gap in the battlement, and peeked out, found a target and fired the strongest blasting curse he could at them. They exploded, with so much red. Not a bit like training dummies at all. Harry felt his gorge rise, choked it down and fired again. It became an endless nightmare, getting hit by fragments of rock from spells that narrowly missed, ducking behind the thick stones, and leaning into the gap, looking for a target, and firing a blasting curse. Each curse knocked down several death-eaters. And unfortunately the occasional stone lion.

Around the castle, the sound of yelling, and horses-hooves.. no, Centaurs hooves sounded and the death eaters were harried by black flights of arrows.

Harry glanced over, and he saw Tonks at the adjacent space to Remus both firing curses down at the attackers. Neither seemed badly hurt, but both had multiple small cuts.

Hannah Abbot came past with a white bandage around her head, and tapped Harry with her wand, and his skin crawled.

“Just a quick spell to heal up the cuts” she explained, then bent and started checking the fallen.

Harry went back to casting spells, getting a pat on the back from someone who wasn't there, but seemed to be invisibly firing hexes from the next empty firing position.

“S – Stubby Boardman?” asked Harry “Cool of you to come. Don't take any risks.”

“Stubby Boardman?” asked Sirius's voice.

“He looks a little like you” said Harry, hoping nobody heard.

Invisible Sirius stopped firing for a bit and then went back to casting spells.

“Well I suppose you’re a fan” said Sirius.

“The Minah Birds are better really” said Harry sarcastically.

“Prat” said Sirius affectionately, and they fired spells at attackers till all the lions were gone and the attackers started bashing on the doors. The moment of ducking out to fire was awkward, and there were death-eaters on the ground waiting for anyone to show their faces. Fortunately, they were mostly easy to doge. Cutting curses were quick, and harder to dodge, and Harry had been clipped a few times.

“Every fifth person down to reinforce the doors” said the amplified voice of Professor McGonagall. The defenders looked around and soon the banging on the doors went from sounding woody to sounding metallic.

“Oooh Transfigured to steel. Bet that was a joint effort. With McGonagall orchestrating” said Sirius, leaning over to take pot-shots at the attackers.

“We need some boiling oil” said Harry “Castles pour boiling oil, don't they?”

“Where would we get a vat of boiling oil?” asked Sirius.

“The chip fryer?” asked Harry.

“Kreacher!” called Sirius.

Kreacher appeared, looking confused “Where is master?” he said loudly over the spell-fire.

“Pour boiling oil on the attackers.” said Harry “Use the chip frying cauldron.”

Kreacher vanished.

“I hope this works” said Sirius “But I don't fancy explaining why there's no hot chips.”

A large cauldron appeared with several sweaty looking elves, who waved their fingers and tipped it over the battlement wall. There were screams from below.

“We's will be back in ten minutes” said one elf, and the cauldron and elves vanished with a crack.

“How much cooking oil does Hogwarts have anyway?” asked Harry.

“Nine thousand gallons, give or take” said Sirius. “Fourth year we poured it down the dungeon steps. It did flood into their common room. Apart from my cousins beating me black and blue it was a great victory.”

Harry was getting light-headed with hunger when a dozen red-robed Aurors arrived outside, and started hexing the attackers, who were hiding under the front portico's and similar places.

“Just about time for a sally” said Sirius.

“Do try not to get killed” said Harry “I've given up… lots for you.”

“Miss Greengrass had more than Ginny” said Sirius as he swished past invisibly. Too quickly for Harry to protest.

Harry decided to check the walkway, and found more injured people, mostly treated. Also mostly people he knew hadn't gone to DA classes, and were probably rubbish at dodging.

Harry went inside and almost immediately a small, maybe fourth year girl handed Harry a huge mug of soup. Which somehow was just the right temperature to drink.

Harry sat on a decorative chest in a hallway denuded of suits of armour, and drank the soup, and decided to go see the rest of the castle, just for moment.

That turned out to be a bad idea.

The great hall was being used as an emergency hospital, the tables as beds, and Harry saw a couple of small blond boys, one holding the other's hand. It looked like Dennis and Colin Creevey. And one of them was lying on his back not moving. Harry's eyes watered, and he left the great hall.

Harry got back up to the battlement, feeling angry. Not in a vague way, but angry that his small housemates had been forced into a battle at their school. Neither of them were terrible at magic, but… they were just… just kids. Not big tough seventeen-year-olds like Harry.

Harry took aim at the massive puddle of oil on the cobbles below and cast the biggest incendio he'd ever tried.

It lit a lot quicker than he expected, and the balloon of flames burnt his hair.

Harry ducked back and the flames burnt briefly to the battlement, then dropped down. There was the smell of hot chips, and also burning hair.

Harry looked over, and some black robed people were running out of the cover they’d hidden in, to avoid the burning oil. Which had them getting hexed from the battlements again.

The few Aurors were firing and moving, being careful while outnumbered.

Harry saw figures coming up the path and cursed. The death eaters had reinforcements.

The leader was a red-faced Professor Slughorn, and the people with him looked like… the population of Hogsmeade, all with their wands out.

The battle changed at that point, Harry realised later.

The attackers were slowly forcing their way into a castle, hiding from the defenders in porches, harried by Centaurs once or twice, occasionally hit by spellfire and a few careful trustworthy Aurors were reinforced by several hundred Hogsmeade residents, not particularly adept at fighting, but just casting lots and lots of stunners. Too many, Harry remembered to be really healthy.

Harry also realised he didn't really care.

The Battle of Hogwarts, Harry was told later, started at forty-two minutes past six in the morning, and ran till eleven past five in the evening the same day.

Harry found parts of the castle blocked off.

“Acromantula got in” said the group of tired looking students, wands out, a hastily positioned rubble wall blocking the corridor.

'Oh, we didn't get them all,' thought Harry, and he made the slow, painful trip, his shoulders and legs sore for some reason, and braved the Great Hall again. The multiple cut injuries he didn't have were starting to hurt. Harry cursed his stupidity at not learning some cut-healing charms earlier. Like… when he had nothing to do on the run. A bit less staring at the map, at the dot labelled Ginny Weasley, a bit more learning spells.

Harry entered the Great Hall and suddenly it was quiet.

“He's here” someone whispered very loudly.

Harry got a bit further in, and saw that the room had been divided up into people with other people looking after them holding their hands, talking to them, a second bit with bodies covered in sheets… so many bodies too. Enough… to cover the Ravenclaw table.

An area with people getting treatment, and Harry saw a staggering Madam Pomfrey, accompanied by Hannah Abbot, blood on her robes, and that bandage on her head… Harry now realised as a sort of uniform. And with Hannah, other girls. That he vaguely remembered from Sixth year, from the Slytherin tables. Including Daphne Greengrass, who was very bloody indeed. Her arms were bloody, her hands were bloody. Harry went in the general direction, to see who was hurt.

Which had Hannah Abbot, wet, drippy Hannah Abbot, shoving him onto a bench to sit, and

starting to cast diagnostic charms on him.

“You're bleeding a lot for someone casually walking around” she said tartly.

“I've had worse” said Harry.

“Daphne, more cutting curse damage. The bloody man who won doesn't shield worth sh*t apparently” said Hannah, and went to see the next person wandering into the great hall.

Daphne Greengrass came over and said “Get the clothes off, so I can see your cuts” in a very business like tone, and she had a bandage tying back her hair, which was the only part of her not bloody really.

Harry took off his jacket, wincing as the cuts hurt.

The shirt was a bloody mess, and Greengrass just vanished it.

“Normal people seek medical attention when injured” said Greengrass, casting a spell on one cut in particular, then repeating it, and then moving to a totally different part of Harry's other shoulder.

“You probably won't lose any motion” said Greengrass.

“I've lost some already”

“Permanently” she said, jabbing with her wand “There's only a little dark curse residue on you, so this is probably ordinary cutters”

“And stone chips” said Harry.

“Which is why your head looks like Eloise Midgen” said Greengrass.

“Really?” asked Harry “my dashing good looks destroyed, how will I live?” he said imitating Gilderoy Lockheart.

“Potter, why have you got not eyebrows?” retorted Greengrass

“Burnt off by a fireball” said Harry. “I ignited the oil that had been boiling, and it burnt me. I didn't really know what I was doing.”

“But you know a dark curse that cuts a man into pieces” said Daphne Greengrass.

“Snape invented it, Clever bugger really” Harry replied.

“Madam Pomfrey, Harry Potters' delirious!” said Greengrass loudly and urgently.

“I'm not delirious. Snape was a bastard, but bloody clever” said Harry.

“Was?” asked Greengrass.

“This morning about one.” said Harry “I got the intelligence he saved for us, and we planned accordingly. You caught the back part of that.”

“I've never been so glad to be to have insomnia” said Greengrass.

“Molly Weasley hit me with a spell for that. Starts Ogcaito something” said Harry.

“That's a medical coma spell” said Daphne Greengrass. “When did she use that on you?”

“This morning … for a few hours. Helps a lot.” said Harry. “Been on the go since the Gringotts breakout really.”

“You really did rob Gringotts?”

“Nah. Just took one thing. We can give it back now” said Harry.

“How did you do it?” she asked quietly, casting spells to seal up his cuts.

“Not here not today.” said Harry “Too easy to copy what he did.”

Once Harry was sealed up, Greengrass cleaned him off a bit roughly with a cleaning charm, which stung like blazes, and a house-elf provided a clean shirt that was too big.

Harry went to put it on and Greengrass said “And get some food in you. You look starved.”

“I've been pretty hungry all year, yes” admitted Harry.

“Well we've got some things but no hot chips” said Daphne. “Go eat. And get a new jacket. That ones' ruined.”

Harry stood up, poked at Greengrass with his wand, firing off a good scourgify, and she was covered all over in fizzing foam for a few seconds, leaving her much less bloody

“You were all bloody” said Harry blandly, and staggered off.

Greengrass looked just tired and Harry didn't think she'd hex him in the back. She did seem a very calm, practical person. His memory tried to tell him something, but failed due to lack of sleep.

Harry cleaned his jacket, and started repair-charming it back together. There was it turned out, an area with food. Harry sat down and took a plate, and got started into the amazingly delicious potatoes, and fell asleep into them.

He woke to Ron's poking “Hey, get your head out of the potatoes” said Ron.

Then the defenders prevailed upon Stubby Boardman to sing.

Which, as Sirius wasn't Stubby, Harry expected to be rubbish. Of course, Sirius could sing, if only dirty limericks… so that's what he sung.

An hour later, Harry ate some more and felt sleepy again.

“Come on, we can bed down in the Gryffindor dorms” said Ron.

“Proper beds?” asked Harry.

“And running hot water” said Ron. “As soon as my cuts heal up, I'm going to have a bath, and stay in till I'm a prune.”

Harry was leaning on Ron by the second floor. By the fourth floor Harry was being dragged up, using Ron's arm as an elevator.

Harry entered the common room and it was packed with Weasleys and Gryffindors, all looking a bit battered. And Fleur, of course, looking glamorous, but battered, holding Bill, who was looking really tired.

Harry waved and Ron pulled him up to a familiar looking dorm room, and he collapsed on the bed which was made, he was sure, in the moment before he fell asleep, of clouds. It was so soft.

Harry woke an hour later from a nightmare. Not Cedric, but Colin Creevy. He drank some water, and went back to the soft but sweaty bed; he charmed it dry and slept better, waking after about three hours, reliving the fight with Tom. Who'd only lost by being too co*cky. In a fair fight, Tom would have crushed him. He still remembered the duel between Tom and Dumbledore in the ministry. In fact, he realised… the idea of calling him Tom to wind him up, make him have to act all Lord Voldemort, that had been unconscionably cribbed from Professor Dumbleores' tactics. And it had worked. He'd known... the right thing to say at the right time. Like encouraging Harry … to go off and be all heroic. One accidental conversation had changed the course of the day. If he'd gone to Tom, let him kill him… would it have worked? After ages of thinking one way and another, Harry realised he'd never know. And went to sleep. He had a good variety of nightmares until morning.

Ron was snoring, and Harry barely noticed.

Harry went down to the common room, where Hermione was sitting, in a way that gave Harry a bad case of deja-vu. It was like it was a weekend in sixth year, except Hermione looked haggard and thin.

“Some breakfast?” asked Harry.

Hermione looked up from a book “Well, you're down. Where's Ron?” she asked.

“Snoring” said Harry, and Hermione's lips twitched into a small smile “Nothing different” she said.

Harry nodded and they went down to breakfast. A surprising number of hallways had barriers manned by tired looking student and adults.

“Acromanutula” said one elderly witch “They've come out of the forest, and won't go back, probably the fire.”

Harry ducked his head, and they carried on down to the great hall, which was looking a bit more normal, with no makeshift morgue anymore. There was still a table covered in resting people, with green robed healers walking about. Madam Pomfrey was missing. Harry really hoped she was getting some sleep.

Harry sat at roughly his old position on the bench seat, and Hermione sat next to him. “It's surreal” she said. “Like… the last year almost didn't happen.”

Harry started serving himself from the toast and tea available, the platters of cooked breakfast missing.

“Is it really early?” Harry asked, after a sip of tea and bite of toast. Hermione checked her watch “About eight, or my watch has stopped” said Hermione. “I had a terrible time getting Lavender and Pavarti down to the Great Hall last night, they'd both taken cutters. There was so much blood.”

“Are they all right?” asked Harry.

“Madam Pomfrey didn't see them, but Hannah charmed up Pavati's cuts and Daphne Greengrass, you know, she charmed up Lavender's face. I could have done that. When I complained she told me to bloody well help.” said Hermione.

“And?” asked Harry.

“I explained I only knew one spell for healing, just episky.” said Hermione, “And Greengrass said, congratulations you're qualified, I only know episky and a detect curse. All day she'd been doing her best with just episky. Silently, but still… what business she had being a pretend healer.”

“Um, Madam Pomfrey was horribly overworked” said Harry. “She looked really tired.”

“Were you injured?” asked Hermione “You're far too good to get injured with a wall to duck behind!”

“I got sliced up” admitted Harry “And burnt.”

“Oh. That's what happened to your eyebrows.” said Hermione.

“Do you know how to fix that?” asked Harry.

“No” said Hermione. “I think you need a little hair growth potion.”

Harry went over, stomach partly filled, and asked a Healer, who looked at Harry down her nose

“It's not life-threatening. Come back in a few days. We've forty patients needing care, and you're not dying, or bleeding out.”

Harry went back to the table, sat down and had some more toast.

“Well?” asked Hermione.

“They'e busy. It's not life-threatening.” explained Harry.

The great Hall grew slowly more crowded as time passed people picked over the breakfast offerings and there was grumbling.

Lavender and Parvati came down together and sat close but not that close Parvati looked over at Hermione and said "thank you for yesterday Hermione".

Hermione blinked and said "oh it's what anyone would have done, Harry I'm sure you helped some people yesterday."

Harry stayed at the table blushing "actually Hermione," Harry said "I didn't, I guess I was a bit busy."

Ginny Weasley arrived at the Gryffindor table and set down halfway between Parvati and Hermione she looked over at Harry raised her eyebrows and asked "so Harry got short of your nasty little problem yet?"

Harry looked up and nodded once. Ginny Weasley smiled to herself and poured herself a cup of tea looked around the table, frowned and started buttering some toast. Harry sat awkwardly, fidgeting. Padma Patil, Parvati's sister came over and set down she had a very serious look on her face “Pav” she said, “some of the Gryffindor's have died.”

Parvati looked up at her sister “what you mean some of the Gryffindors have died?”

“Well Colin Creevy, and Seamus Finnigan and Dean and Fay” said Padma biting her lip “and it's just as bad if not worse in Ravenclaw.”

Ginny Weasley's head turned to look at Parvati “what you mean Dean died?” she croaked.

“When the acromantula broke in on the third floor” Parvati said , “Dean and Seamus and Fay were a roving squad that was trying to stop them, but they got overwhelmed” explained Parvati.

Ginny's head lowered and she stared at the table. Harry doesn't know quite what to say.

“Where's Sophie?” asked Hermione.

“I don't think she's coming down to breakfast” said Parvati.

Harry sat and waited, he had a bad feeling something was going to happen soon.

That something unexpectedly, was Parvati noticing Harry didn't have any eyebrows. “Oh Merlin” said Parvati “Harry hasn't got any eyebrows.”

Lavender peered intently at Harry's head “yes he doesn't you can hardly tell behind the glasses frames, but really he hasn't ,what happened to you?” asked Lavender.

“A fireball” said Harry.

“Then why isn't your hair messed up?” asked Lavender “not that anyone could usually tell.” she added.

“My hair kinda fixes itself overnight” said Harry “well, goes back to always looking like this.” Lavender stared at Harry intently “you mean to tell us,” she said “that you are partial metamorphmagus and the only thing you can do is have messy black hair?” “Pretty much, yes” said Harry as he stared at the table again his hands forming into loose fists. He realised he hadn’t really missed Hogwarts.

Parvati spoke up “um, I know a charm for eyebrows” she said.

Harry lifted his head and Parvati intoned a spell and tapped Harry's forehead. He felt a strange itching sensation on his forehead and moments later Parvati said “they may be a little shaggy but should do, after all, you're only a boy.”

After breakfast Harry went out and sat in the only slightly destroyed clocktower courtyard. About five minutes later Ginny Weasley sauntered over and said “Harry, I think, we need to have a long thorough discussion.”

Harry stood up and followed Ginny up to the fourth floor down a disused corridor to a broom closet which after a few detection charms she opened the door of, cast a witch-light onto the ceiling and went inside “don't be shy Harry” she said “you know it'll be good for you.”

Harry hesitated in the doorway “I am – , this is something I need to tell you” said Harry awkwardly “it's just well yesterday, some things happened and,” Harry wondered what to say, obviously he didn't want to admit to having committed massive crimes in front of Ginny, he was being blackmailed by one witch already, so he wondered what he could say how he had explained about being engaged to a Slytherin, no less “ – all this time, we had a secret ally, in Slytherin house.”

“Really?” Said Ginny her eyebrows shooting up to her hairline “who was it?” She asked “it can’t be Malfoy, because he wasn't here this year, did a runner just like you.”

“It was, Daphne Greengrass” said Harry, “she's —”, at this point Harry really wondered what he could say next “she's — Sirius arranged for it. We are actually engaged.”

Ginny Weasley stared at Harry her eyes narrowed “and when, exactly, did you get engaged to her?” “Yesterday, yesterday morning just before the battle.” Harry deciding that some honesty would probably easier to remember, “Sirius arranged it.” “But that's years ago” said Ginny “years and years ago, and you went out with me since.” “Well it's not like there are fidelity vows” said Harry “I mean, you were dating Dean yesterday. And he died yesterday. And yet here we are at a broom closet.”

“So Sirius betrothed you to some rich pure blood” said Ginny.

“Well, you are a pure-blood too” said Harry “Sirius had his reasons.” Harry paused to think “basically, we just had to it, was unavoidable. Oh, and through a strange interaction of Voldemort's magic and some dumb risks we took, Sirius has come back out of the veil of death that wasn't Stubby Boardman last night, that was Sirius Black.”

Ginny shook her head “that is a ridiculous load of bull. And I grew up with the twins.”

A silvery grim dashed over to Harry and hopped up and down, then said in Sirius's voice “Headmasters office. Now.”

Ginny blinked “That” she said “Is deeply disturbing.”

Chapter 3: Repercussions

Chapter Text

Harry waggled his eyebrows at Ginny and left the broom closet..

He climbed the stairs to the Headmasters office, having to detour around a couple of floors that were blocked off.

The gargoyle was already standing aside, and the staircase was unmoving, so Harry laboriously climbed. At the top, there were loud voices behind the door, Harry opened the door and stepped in,

Kingsley Shacklebolt sat at the desk, flanked by Tonks and John Dawlish, and Sirius was sitting on a comfortable chair to the left side, looking tense. The space in from of the desk had a man standing, pointing and arguing, and to the right, a middle-aged witch sat primly in dress robes. Beside her, looking lined and tired, Daphne Greengrass sat. The woman looked vaguely like Daphne, and Kingsley spoke up “– Now Cyrus, I think I understand your objections, but the man of the hour, in every sense has arrived.”

Harry walked in a bit more.

“You're here” said Daphne Greengrass. “That patronus trick worked then.”

Harry nodded.

Cyrus… Harry guessed, Greengrass turned and glared at Harry from on high. He was a tall man, with dramatically combed dark hair, and a black goatee, giving him a devilish appearance. His eyes were narrowed, but looked to be sky blue, detracting from the saturnine look a bit.

“Mister Potter. A man who isn't undesirable number one, by expedient the entire ministry having just turned over” said Cyrus Greengrass.

Harry nodded “I expect a lot of people's Imperious curses stopped yesterday” he quipped.

Sirius snorted.

“And he was dead!” Cyrus pointed at Sirius, “and now he's just Pardoned. Just like that.”

“I am minister for magic and that's what I said” said Kingsley. “Sirius Black was one of the few people who supported the war on Voldemort all along, and while not totally blameless, did spend twelve years in prison, so as long as he hasn't murdered anyone… he's served enough time in prison.”

“Thank you, Kingsley” said Sirius. “Glad to know that housing the order of the Phoenix for three years counts for something.”

“Well, and fighting in the battle yesterday.” said Kingsley.

“Harry and I split the work, I didn't think having him cut his aunt Bellatrix's head off was a good lesson for him. I cut my cousins' head off, and Greyback's too. There was a reward for Greyback, wasn't there?” Sirius asked.

“We'll ignore you coming back from the dead and call it even” said Kingsley. “If the Unspeakables come after you, that's your problem. They don't listen to the minster for magic, they never have.”

“I'm more concerned that your godson is betrothed to our daughter. Our eldest,” said Cyrus. Daphne’s probably mother nodded.

Harry smiled a crooked grin “Well, Daphne was our hidden ally in Slytherin, has been for years really. Haven't you Daphne?”

Daphne nodded “Our secret friendship could only really end in betrothal” she said, and her sky-blue eyes met Harry's and narrowed minutely. She'd caught on quickly.

“This is a cash-grab by the Black family!” fumed Cyrus.

“Oh, I'd say it was more a cash-grab by Daphne,” said Harry drily. “And while I didn't cut a cousins' head off… Tom Riddle was technically a distant uncle. On the Peverell side, through the Potters.”

“And How” said Cyrus, hands on hips “Does a seventeen-year-old wizard defeat a dark lord that's killed dozens of Aurors?”

“I was the prophesied chosen one” said Harry levelly “The complete prophecy explains it all, but I rather expect it's classified by now?”

Kingsley nodded “Yes Harry, please don't spread it around. Or… go on a rampage. You're marked as his equal, aren't you?”

“I think I was better at quidditch actually” said Harry sarcastically, “But yes, and as a number of people saw… Tom fell over dead.”

“Not a spell any of my Aurors recognised” said Kingsley.

“One of Professor Snape's creations” said Harry “I learnt it in sixth year. We had many private lessons.”

“Professor Snape, it can now be revealed was Professor Dumbledore's double agent in the Death Eaters” said Kingsley grandly, bordering on hammily, “He played an absolutely crucial part in the war, including killing a terminally ill Professor Dumbledore to trick Tom Riddle into thinking he was totally dedicated follower. That laid the seeds for his downfall.”

Daphne Greengrass and her mother both sat up straighter at that, evidently surprised and impressed.

Daphne spoke to Harry “So, Professor Snape really… taught you how?”

“He gave me the spell, told me the way Professor Dumbledore had deduced to defeat Tom, and died getting me those secrets. I owe him a great debt” said Harry.

“Amazing” said Daphne’s mother “And all the while, everyone thought he hated you.”

“Well, he was an amazing actor” said Harry, and Daphne Greengrass narrowed her eyes momentarily.

Harry decided to stop the ladling of bullsh*t, before she hexed him.

Kingsley cleared his throat “Now, the real reason you're here Harry, is that we're going to need to repair Hogwarts. The Ministry is suspiciously short of galleons right now, and we were hoping the house of Black might chip in.

“I'm not head any more” said Sirius “Because I died.”

“You are so” said Harry “You're older than me.”

Sirius narrowed his eyes. “We'll talk about that later young man.” he said, in a not terribly believable stern tone.

“Seventh year has been a total disaster. There's no way anyone could sit NEWTs” said Daphne Greengrass.

“Minerva mentioned that, yes” said Kingsley “So… Sirius some galleons? Now that Harry's handed you back the reins.”

“Ten thousand?” asked Sirius “Of course, the Greengrasses are a respectable, wealthy family too.”

Cyrus Greengrass glared at Sirius “Ten Thousand! Business has been terrible all year! Six thousand.”

“Well, now we've got sixteen thousand to rebuild with” said Kingsley “Harry, as Minister, I'd like to thank you for your efforts yesterday. I don't understand how you did it…”

“Prophecy. Being the chosen one really helps sometimes” said Harry blandly.

“Well… there's probably an Order of Merlin coming to you eventually” said Kingsley. “I'll publicise your donations, Cyrus, Sirius, and extend a request to other wealthy families.”

“I think the Malfoys… if any are still alive, and not in prison, would probably supply the lions share of the funding” said Sirius.

“Draco Malfoy is injured, with untreated broken legs” said Daphne Greengrass “We were triaging Death-eaters to only treat life-threatening injuries.”

“You were one of the witches pressed into service as assistants to poor Poppy?” asked Kingsley.

“She worked very hard” said Harry. “Even stuck me back together.”

“For such a hero, he doesn't shield very well” observed Daphne.

“Can't fire and shield at the same time” said Harry tartly.

“Well… we'll get back to the ministry, which is like a disturbed ant-heap right now and let Minerva organise the cleanup.” said Kinsley, standing.

“Um… the acromantula and things are still killing people” said Harry. “Most students aren't equipped to handle that. Having only ever had one decent defence teacher in six years, who was kicked out for being a werewolf…”

“Yes Harry, I'll make sure Remus can get his job back.” said Kingsley “Or nobody will be passing NEWT defence.” Tonks, being behind Kingsley, winked at Harry. Harry tried to keep a straight face. ‘If this was corruption in high places,’ thought Harry, ‘it was okay.’

“Well, sounds like you're going back for seventh year?” asked Sirius as Kingsley, Tonks and Dawlish left by floo.

“I don't have NEWTs, and for just one year… not having Voldemort trying to kill me at school would be nice” said Harry.

“Come on” said Sirius standing up “Cyrus, Erzabet. It's been a pleasure.”

“Dearest” asked Daphne's mother in a strong eastern European accent “Is this engagement because of a secret love?”

Daphne rolled her eyes. “It's a business arrangement, Mother. I … took huge risk for years as Harry's friend, feeding them intelligence, and now I'm collecting.”

“Oh dear. You don't have to, we'll make more money this year” said Erzabet.

“Daphne, uh… is going to be using the political influence of the Blacks and ... well mine” said Harry “A deal is a deal.”

Daphne nodded.

“Oh dearest” said Cyrus, sniffling “You don't have to do this. You… you could see that French boy… Jean Louis?”

“That was fourth year father” said Daphne. “Besides, Potter'll look lot better once he puts some weight back on. His ribs show.”

Daphne's mother turned to state at Daphne. “His reebs show?”

“I had cutting curses to … a lot of me. Daphne fixed them up.”

“Oh dear, do you want to be a healer?” asked her mother.

“Not really mummy. It's all rather disgusting, it was just a job that needed doing” said Daphne Greengrass evenly.

That evening, Professor McGonagall loudly announced in the great hall that the last Acromantula had been forced out of the castle. There was cheering, and booze appeared on the tables.

“Prefects will ensure there is no under-age drinking” said Professor McGonagall stiffly.

Harry poured a glass of firewhisky and sipped it. It tasted like… Harry was going to have a headache later and didn't care.

Daphne Greengrass came over to the Gryffindor table, braved the press of Weasley and upended a bottle of firewiskey into her mouth, drinking it like water, which had the twins, Charlie and Bill going quiet.

“Bloody hell she can drink!” said Bill, and Daphne Greengrass dropped the empty bottle on the floor with a crack.

“Chum on Potter” she slurred “I'm going to regret this tomorrow, but come on, gimme a kiss”

Harry stood up and awkwardly kissed a pretty blonde. Who tasted of firewhiskey, and snogged back hard.

“In case anyone was wondering” said Daphne Greengrass, letting Harry’s head go and speaking slowly “He's mine, So Ginevra, hands off.”

Ginny Weasley went a bit red in the face and fired a bat-bogey hex at Greengrass, who ducked, the hex hitting a stupefied Harry Potter. He yelped as the bogey started crawling out of his nose.

“Bloody hell Ginny!” said Harry, finite-ing the curse on his nose. Daphne tapped his nose with her wand and the cuts around his nostril healed up.

“Thank you Daphne.” said Harry “Any chance of another kiss?”

Daphne Greengrass frowned but gave Harry another kiss on the lips.

“Oh come on, you kiss miles better than that” said Harry.

“He’s only had a sip, and she’s had a bottle.” said Fred.

“True!” said Harry, and skulled the glass, and coughed a small black cloud.

“That’s your limit” said Daphne “Eat some more food. You’re all skinny.”

“You're not” said Harry, and blushed. “It's the whiskey!” he said, grabbing Greengrass and pulling her onto his lap.

“Unhand me!” said Daphne Greengrass.

“After a kiss like that?” asked Harry. “Not likely.”

“You’re all boney” said Daphne Greengrass, reaching over and messily shoving some treacle tart into Harry’s mouth. Harry made protesting noises but ate the treacle tart anyway.

“Lucky guess, it’s his favourite” observed Ron.

Harry gave Greengrass a squeeze. “Let me go!” said Daphne.

“Why?” asked Harry “We’re engaged, and you’ve already screwed me”

“Metaphorically” said Daphne Greengrass with a smile “Metaphorically” she said very precisely and loudly to the staring Weasleys.

Harry have Greengrass’s backside a bit of a squeeze “You’re not bony”

“I’m a size six” slurred Greengrass.

“I’ll have to check that later” said Harry, reaching for a refill.

“You’re already too drunk” said Greengrass slowly, her head wobbling.

“You just drank a whole bottle of whisky” said Harry.

“And I’m just… buzzed” said Daphne drunkenly “Magic ring. Remember.”

“I remember” said Harry. “Which is why I want a drink”

Daphne frowned “You’re a bad fiancée” she said.

Harry got a bottle and poured a lot into a goblet and drank up. “I’m going to try being a drunk fiancée.”

“Stop now Potter. You’ll have a terrible hangover.” said Daphne precisely.

Around this point, a brown haired girl – Harry was pretty sure she was Tracey Davis walked over, looking concerned.

“Daphne, are you all right?” she asked.

“A bit squiffy, and Potters’ lap isn’t very comfortable.” said Daphne. “This sobriety curse is a pain in the providential.”

“Has he… done anything untoward?” asked Tracey, wand in hand.

“Bronwy” said Charlie “If my little buddy Harry had done something wrong, my mother would have hexed him silly. She might not like finding out Ginny’s not gonna be Mrs Potter, but Harry’s only … given your friend a little squeeze.”

“My Name, Generic Weasley, is Tracey Davis. My friend Daphne Greengrass is on Harry’s lap. They are engaged, but it’s more a business arrangement than….” said Tracey, to be slapped on the arm by Daphne.

“He’s all I’ve got” said Daphne “So it’s important to be photographed on his lap. Fiancée of the Man who Won, after all.”

Harry snorted “Don’t call me that” he said.

“Sure … dear” said Daphne insincerely.

A large black dog came into the great hall, trotted over to Harry and pulled on his sleeve.

“Oh… Snuffles” said Harry. “Get up, Greeny. We’re going for a walk. Time to walk the dog.”

Daphne got up and, partly supported by Harry went off, following Snuffles, up a floor to an empty classroom. Harry closed the door, locked it, and cast some protective charms with the ease of practice.

“You’re quite good at that” observed Greengrass, sinking into a classroom chair and giggling slightly “I’m so squiffy.” she said.

Snuffles flowed upwards into Sirius Black.

“Now Harry, some ground rules. Don’t talk to the press.” said Sirius.

“No shagging the Weasel” said Daphne slowly “Poppy has had to treat her for... for… a disease. I don’t want it, so keep your hands, tongue and penis off her.”

Harry swallowed. Ginny had… caught a disease…. From Dean or Michael. Ulp.

“It’s totally curable, but I don’t want the attention” said Daphne.

“Now, about your betrothal” said Sirius awkwardly “As she’s an heiress, when you two marry… you… well you have to give her a child.”

“And not the pox” said Daphne.

“As she said, not the pox” said Sirius “Now… you’re both of age, right?”

Harry nodded and so did Daphne.

“Well, you need to marry within… some years?” asked Sirius.

“Before the anniversary of the battle” said Daphne.

Sirius nodded. Harry sighed “I see the point.” he agreed.

“Now, you’re expected to stand near her, hold her hand, help her into carriages… all that sort of stuff” said Sirius blandly.

“Kissing?” asked Harry.

“No PDA” said Daphne.

“She says no PDA” said Sirius “And you’re going to stick to that. And for heavens sake, no getting photographed snogging anyone else till After you’re married.”

“So I’m not getting a snog today” said Harry.

“Oh I dunno?” asked Daphne “You could probably talk me into a few semi-public kisses. For the rumour mill.” she hiccuped.

Sirius smiled a bit “Now I’ve got to get out off here and to the Ministry, and register as an amimagus. Kingsley will gloss over the time-lag.”

“Twenty years?” jeered Harry.

“We’re, as Daphne identified, coming up smelling of roses” said Sirius. “Then I’ll need to get some professionals in to clean the damn house. Being able to go to Gringotts will really help.”

There was an awkward silence.

“Uh” said Harry “About Gringotts. I … we…. did rob it.”

“Kingsley said” said Sirius “And he’s going to do some serious spade-work for you to clear that up.”

“We could...” said Harry “Give them some goblin made artefacts. As sweeteners.”

“The candlesticks?” asked Sirius “They’ve been in the family for three hundred years.”

“It’s leverage” said Harry.

“Why is Harry Potter being sneaky?” asked Daphne groggily.

“Because he’s a lot more Slytherin than he lets on” said Sirius.

Harry used the snake summoning charm and tried to talk to the snake. It didn’t seem to understand.

“Well the Parseltouge was from the …. soul infection” said Harry. “A bit of Voldemort was stuck in my scar.”

Sirius hugged Harry “Hey… it worked.” he said. “Did you have a backup plan?”

Harry rummaged in his mokeskin pouch and got out the snitch.

It said, engraved across the back ‘I open at the close’. Harry looked at the words. “It’s time” he whispered to the snitch, and it opened like a puzzle box, a small stone falling out, that Harry snatched before it hit the ground.

“He’s good seeker” said Sirius proudly.

“This is the backup” said Harry, looking a small black pebble, marked with the triangle symbol. The same one, Harry realised, on some of the Peverell tombstones at Godrics Hollow. The stone sat in his hand, cold and lifeless.

“What’s that?” asked Daphne drunkenly.

“Resurrection stone” said Harry blandly. “Dumbledore’s plan.” Daphne snorted, so Harry rolled the stone three times, thinking of Colin.

A ghostly Colin Creevey appeared. “Harry!” he exclaimed “I died!” In much the same way Dennis proudly announced he’d fallen into the lake in first year.

“Resurrection stone” said Harry “Colin, Daphne Greengrass. We’re engaged, she was our secret ally for years.”

Colin nodded “You sent her messages on your used jerseys” he said and nodded. Daphne went red in the face.

Sirius made a barking cough “Colin? About the jerseys?”

“Miss Greengrass… Daphne… she’d buy Harry's jerseys. Well… she and Ginny.” said Colin.

“You weren’t supposed to tell” said Daphne.

“But the wars over, we won” said Colin. “And I feel compelled to tell Harry things.”

“That’d be the stone” said Sirius with a smirk.

“I loved you Harry” said Colin, biting his lip.

“Oh brother” said Harry, with a grimace. “Colin, you’re dead, go home” Harry said, and rolled the stone backwards three times.

“Bought his Jerseys?” asked Sirius.

“He was – was… the best quidditch player in school. He beat a dragon. A – a girl could dream” said Daphne Greengrass.

“You what?” asked Harry.

“She fancied you” explained Sirius, as Daphne leaned forward, hiding her face in her hands.

“But… she was in Slytherin… and… pretty. I’d never have a chance” blurted Harry.

Sirius snorted “You jammy, jammy bugger” said Sirius. “You get blackmailed into being engaged to a girl that fancies you, that you thought was too good for you. And got a deathly hallow. You’re turning over a lucky leaf, Harry.”

Daphne by now had her hands over her face. Her neck was red.

“Well… you’ll need to wait till she stops dying of embarrassment.” said Sirius. “And for the love of magic don’t knock her up till you’re married.”

Harry felt his face slowly go red, and his throat close with crippling embarrassment.

“So, Harry, see you at you-know-where, any time after tomorrow. I’ll be using Kreacher I suppose.” said Sirius. “Your betrothed is of course welcome, as are your friends. But… crikey… no getting a rash from little Ginny Weasely. Blimey.” said Sirius, turning back into a dog, wagging his tail.

Harry let the dog out, and turned to see the squiffy Daphne sitting up straighter, rearranging her robe collar.

“Why were you hanging around disillusioned?” asked Harry. It had been playing on his mind.

“I’d been doing that all year. Partly Insomnia, partly that it’s fascinating what one learns, and a lot safer than walking the halls.” said Daphne “If I learnt anything really useful, I’d tell … a contact I had, and they’d pass it a long to the Hogwarts resistance. I hardly wanted to see other students being tortured, imprisoned or … worse.” said Daphne.

“You… were helping?” asked Harry.

“Oh please, not in some heroic way.” said Daphne “Just… just… trying to make things more normal, like they used to be, before the Carrows and Professor Snape murdering Dumbledore, and keep my sister safe” Daphne’s eyes looked quite red, Harry realised. Time for a change of subject. “You… fancied me in sixth year?” asked Harry.

“Everyone did. Except Pansy. And I have my doubts abut that. Tall, dark, handsome, magically powerful, pretty green eyes. And a quidditch captain, and the best Seeker at Hogwarts in ages. Did you get decent marks?”

“Some E’s” admitted Harry. Daphne sighed “Clever too, but not nerdy.” she said. “I would really rather you didn’t cheat on me with other girls. As your…. Parent figure just indicated.”

“Godfather, and I think he adopted me” admitted Harry. “I inherited everything from him.”

Awkward silence for a bit. Harry thought about the implication that … a lot of girls fancied him.

“But… everyone avoided me” protested Harry.

“You had scary goons. Scarier now. They fought death-eaters in fifth year, and in the war yesterday.” said Daphne. “And besides, girls don’t just throw themselves at boys.”

“Vale did” muttered Harry.

“That little harlot” said Daphne.

“Used love potioned chocolates” admitted Harry “Ron scoffed the lot and nearly died.”

“Why I ought to – “ started Daphne.

“Don’t worry about it” said Harry. “So… you… want to snog me?”

“Um… not… exactly now. I need to die of embarrassment first” said Daphne.

Harry sat and thought.

“Are you going back to school next year?” asked Harry.

“I can’t sit NEWTs this year, it’s been a prison more than a school” said Daphne.

“I… should probably do seventh year” admitted Harry “Get some NEWTs”

“Before you become Minister for Magic?” asked Daphne.

“Oh god no. I was thinking Auror” said Harry.

“Are you really going to spend your life fighting dark wizards?” asked Daphne.

“Its… what I know” said Harry.

“It’s terribly dangerous” said Daphne quickly.

Harry scratched the back of his head. “Daphne?” Harry said suddenly realising something awkward “If we are to be married before the first anniversary… we’d… be married while we’re still at Hogwarts.”

“It used to happen. Seventeen’s the age of majority after all. Most seventh years can marry. There used to be married quarters. It’s in Hogwarts – ” said Daphne.

“A History” completed Harry. “Hermione never quoted that particular fact.”

“Technically as adults, seventeen-year-olds can leave Hogwarts, be day students” said Daphne.

“That reminds me” said Harry, biting his thumbnail “I need to get my apparation license.”

“Oh… you don’t have a license?” said Daphne, sounding surprised.

“July birthday” said Harry “Too young in sixth year. Grandma Hermione has her license.”

“I” said Daphne, pulling herself erect “Am also old enough that I got my license in sixth year.”

“Well, you’re an older woman” said Harry cheekily “Hubba hubba.”

“Ugh!” exhaled Daphne Greengrass “We are going back to dorms now, There will be no… snogging.”

“Shame” said Harry “you’re very pretty”

“You really think so?” asked Daphne shyly.

“I’d never ask you out, you’re too good-looking” admitted Harry.

“As if” scoffed Daphne. “I’m very plain.”

“What” said Harry loudly “is it with witches. Hermione was just as bad till the Yule ball. Thought she was ugly.”

“I’m better looking than Granger!” snapped Daphne.

“Yes, but please call her Hermione.” said Harry “She’s my best friend… well… apart from Ron.”

“Do you and …. Hermione….” asked Daphne.

“Oh god no. We… we had a few weird moments on the run this year but no. She’s like the sister I never had.” said Harry. “If – There are married quarters – Does that mean – ”

“I would assume there's a double bed. Or two singles in one room.” said Daphne, sounding more sober.

“Bloody hell” said Harry.

“Far more comfortable than a broom cupboard or desk-top, I’d assume” said Daphne. “What Is you floo address. I assume you’re going home tomorrow.”

“Twelve Grimmauld place.” said Harry “Um… yours?”

“Greengrass estate” said Daphne “And no, it’s not the size of Malfoy Manor.”

“Well Grimmauld place is a four-story townhouse in London.” said Harry.

“In London?” asked Daphne. “You… live in London?” she sounded slightly excited.

“Breifly” said Harry, not wanting to explain “It’s unplottable… that sort of thing.”

“But shopping… shows...” said Daphne, eyes gleaming.

“Where… is Greengrass Estate?” asked Harry.

“Hertfordshire” said Daphne in a posh accent. “In the countryside, far from decent shops or means of entertainment. The village… well it has one pub.” she concluded “And everyone in Appleby knows me and my sister, so … not a lot of opportunity for parties.”

“Appleby?” asked Harry “You live outside Appleby?”

“Yes, the Arrows. They’re just the local club team.” said Daphne. “It’s all quite… rural.”

“But you’re posh” said Harry.

“We come from the Manor, not the village” said Daphne precisely. “Whereas you’re from?”

“Surrey” said Harry. “Muggle suburb, muggle relatives, who don’t like me.”

“That – explains some things” said Daphne, looking at the floor.

“I suppose you’re too ashamed to be seen with me now” said Harry dejectedly.

Daphne gave Harry an odd, sideways look and spoke “You’re heir of the house of Black, inherited whatever the Potters had, and saved the world. You’re the most influential wizard in England right now. Is it true you… squashed… you-know-who like a bug?”

“He got co*cky” replied Harry. “I removed his magical defences, then hit him with a spell he wasn’t expecting. Copied the idea from Professor Dumbledore’s duel with him in fifth year.”

“Gosh” said Daphne “What was that like?”

“Terrifying” admitted Harry “They were like giants. Huge magic.”

“Well, you don’t have sixty years of practice yet” said Daphne evenly, and Harry couldn’t help laughing.

“I thought I was going to die every year of school” admitted Harry. “Now… you know… I might live to get old.”

“Not working as an Auror. Professor Moody looked dreadful.” said Daphne “All scarred.”

“I’ve got plenty” Harry commented.

“I’d rather you didn’t become an Auror and lose your legs and half your nose and one eye, if you please” said Daphne.

“You can’t tell me what to do” retorted Harry.

“I’d just rather kiss a man who was all there” explained Daphne.

Harry froze, and blinked, his brain trying to process the idea that… this pretty girl… who, he was… marrying by this time next year… was …. expecting to kiss Harry… on a …. regular basis and preferred… Harry not be mutilated. His brain slowed like it had fallen into treacle. The very idea that someone might… want to snog Harry in ten, twenty… bloody hell… they had to have a kid. And… if they had one for Greengrass… probably one for Potter… and maybe one for Black.

With…. this girl he … had kissed.

“I’m” said Harry, swallowing awkwardly “Going to have to go to sleep. This is going to take a lot of getting used to.”

“Ahem” said Daphne. “No kiss before bed?”

“Uh” said Harry.

Harry walked over and gingerly kissed Greengrass, who tasted of Firewhiskey. She grabbed his head with one hand and his back with the other and gave him a searing kiss.

“Crikey” said Harry, gasping.

“Well… “ said Greengrass “That’s all you’re getting till I’ve had a conversation with mummy.”

“Your mother?” asked Harry.

“To get some potion” explained Greengrass. “Not getting knocked up this year.”

Harry’s pants seemingly shrank suddenly. “I understand” Harry croaked.

Harry found the Gryffindor dorm loos awfully useful twenty minutes later. He groaned. This being engaged business was nerve-wracking. And he definitely didn’t want to um… knock Daphne up. Practice knocking her up… oh definitely. And… stay away from Ginny. A rash. Eeep.

Nine stories below , Daphne Greengrass was sitting in bed, proudly wearing a Gryffindor quiddich jersey, number 7 Potter, and reading a book about… matrimonial matters, and related charms.

A lot later, Tracey walked into the dorm room whistling, her robe half-buttoned.

“Daph!” she exclaimed “What the blazes are you doing in your own bed?”

“Learning certain charms” said Daphne, eyeing Tracey's flushed face and messed up hair. “What happened to you?”

“Generic Weasley is actually Charlie Weasley, Dragon Tamer. And… a very persuasive man” said Tracey.

“Oh my god, you didn’t?” exclaimed Daphne.
“Well you clearly didn’t” quipped Tracey.

“I don’t know the contraception charm” hissed Daphne. “And I don’t have the potion.”

“Er” said Tracey “That would put a damper on things.”

“I bloody wish” said Daphne “Just dying of frustration, while Potter stands around looking clueless, yet capable of feats of snogging that should be controlled by international treaty.”

“He’s good then?” asked Tracey “Charlie certainly knows what He’s doing”

“Harry… acts so bloody innocent then boom. Firey kisses, and he’s so… mmmm” said Daphne.

“He’s a bit stringy” observed Tracey.

“He’s been starved all year” said Daphne “He needs to gain a stone at least. He’s so thin all his ribs show”

“So you… checked the goods?” asked Tracey.

“Healed up all his cuts in the great hall, actually. Tonight I tried to dissuade him from joining the Aurors after school.”

“After school?” asked Tracey.

“He’s coming back for NEWTs.” said Daphne “As am I.”

“That will be nice, I suppose.” said Tracey.

“And his godfather, Sirius Black has set a date. Before the anniversary of the battle” added Daphne, with one raised eyebrow.

“So… in under twelve months… you’re...” said Tracey.

“Married to Harry Potter-Black, yes” said Daphne. “And yes… he’s a Potter-Black.”

“And… you’ll be….” said Tracey, eyeing the book Daphne was reading.

“Daphne Greengrass still. I’m the Heiress, after all. ” said Daphne.

“Daphne Greengrass-Potter-Black?” asked Tracey, wandering towards the bathroom door. “Just need to take a shower.”

“I doubt I’ll style myself all of that” said Daphne airily.

Tracey reappeared in a couple of towels a bit later, with some… bite marks on her neck.

“Bite marks!” Daphne exclaimed.

“He was very passionate” said Tracey “And I do know the charm, and he knows the mens ones”

“Weasley’s big brother?”

“The big one’s got Fleur Delcacour. My one’s the next oldest.” said Tracey.

“Older men,” said Daphne, shaking her head. “Harry’s younger than me”

“A few months” snorted Tracey “Charlies… eight years older. Old enough to know things.”

“He’s an antique,” said Daphne.

“Collectable,” said Tracey, putting on a nightgown and getting into bed.

“But he’s old,” protested Daphne after a long delay.

“Muscly,” said Tracey, and went to sleep.

--==0==--

Harry went down to breakfast again with Hermione, Ron making it out of bed. Harry walked down, watching his friends holding hands. Erk.

There was breakfast, and over at the Slytherin table, Daphne and Tracey were eating breakfast.

After Breakfast, it was time to pack up and walk off the grounds, and apparate home to Grimmauld Place. Or to the Burrow in Hermione and Ron’s case.

Harry coincidentally found Daphne and Tracey heading out. Harry walked along in a group of five.

When they got to the gates, Harry stepped out, and said to Daphne “See you at some point.”

“Wednesday” said Daphne, and Harry nodded.

“Harry” said Daphne pointedly “a kiss goodbye?”

It was, Harry thought, a pretty good kiss. Then Daphne gently pulled his head with her hand and … it became a very fascinating kiss that ended with Harry out of breath, and Daphne’s eyes bright, panting.

“Get a room, you two” said Ron.

“Wednesday” said Daphne softly.

Daphne and Tracey disapparated. Harry nodded to his friends.

“Harry” said Hermione nervously “She's… using you.”

“Um” said Harry “It’s more complicated than you think.”

Chapter 4: Getting to know all about you.

Chapter Text

Daphne Greengrass was sitting in the upstairs parlour at Grimmauld place, looking at Harry guardedly.

“So,” said Harry awkwardly, “We should um, get to know one another.”

“We’re not having sex or kissing” she said.

Harry nodded, and tried to swallow.

“Good. You understand,” she said.

“So um, What are you going to um, use your political power for?” asked Harry.

“Making pink dresses on middle-aged witches illegal” said Daphne firmly. “Umbridge was ghastly. Oh and, protecting Hogwarts from ministry interference.”

Harry wondered if he was for against all of that. And worried a little.

“Oh and getting rid of oppressive old laws” she added “Making young witches safe from marriage contracts, for one thing. Did you know there are still marriage contracts around, to this day. Magical and inescapable. How ghastly.”

Harry nodded, and hoped there wasn’t more horrible stuff he didn’t know about.

“What about… reforming the muggle-born registration stuff?” he asked cautiously.

“Well that has to go, obviously. It wasn’t that way when I was a first year, and it has caused so much suffering, and closed so many good shops. Foretescues closed. Can you believe that. The only decent ice-cream shop in Diagon alley. Shows what monsters the deposed government were.”

Harry’s brain felt like he’d been hit with a rubber chicken. She was… simultaneously trying to do some good things, and at the same time, completely mental.

“Oh, and mandatory human health lessons at Hogwarts for …. twelve-year-olds, and make protective measures freely available. I mean, Weasley caught it from someone but Poppy said that in a certain set it really did the rounds of the castle. That sort of thing needs to stop. Stuffy old men and stuffier old women are preventing medical measures that would stop… the spread” said Daphne.

Harry blinked. Health classes? What would that ever cover.

“How babies are made, or prevented so Poppy doesn’t have to cover things up, or help people quietly leave school,” said Daphne “It’s ridiculous.”

Harry blushed. That kind of health.

“What about werewolves?” asked Harry.

“Well they’re evil” said Daphne bluntly “Except for Professor Lupin, though Defence against dark arts should be made optional. It was really creepy, and the Carrows made it Torture-curse a Gryffindor class. It’s not educational, and casting it leaves one feeling just ghastly.”

“But people need to know how to defend themselves,” said Harry, louder than he intended.

She rolled her eyes at him, and he felt seen.

“Well, what are your big ideas then?” she asked.

“Death Eaters all go to prison this time” said Harry.

Daphne nodded.

“And social workers. That come around and check on children as they’re growing up. Specially orphans,” said Harry.

“For children like you” said Daphne curiously.

“Tom Riddle… called himself Voldemort, he grew up in a muggle orphanage. And that ended badly for everyone” said Harry.

“Well we’ll make that illegal. Magical children have to be placed into magical households.” said Daphne.

“Unless they’re muggleborn,” said Harry “That whole thing about taking all the muggleborns…. it’s a terrible idea.”

“Just trying to change the law to suit your friends” said Daphne bluntly “So that there can be more Grangers.”

“Well that… “ said Harry “She’s a bloody good witch. It’s just… everything's so different when you start Hogwarts.”

“Well then they need to go to a special school,” said Daphne. “Like Hogwarts. Before Hogwarts.”

“Its not that easy. It’d just be full of muggleborns” said Harry. “A summer school. A few weeks every summer to learn about… just how things work, what everything’s called.”

“As long as real witches don’t have to go,” said Daphne. “It was bad enough having lessons before Hogwarts without going to school.”

“Lessons?” asked Harry.

“Reading, writing, Latin, deportment, music. Lessons, you know.” said Daphne., frowning “We don’t just arrive at Hogwarts and learn to Read.”

“What school was that? Asked Harry.

“Tracey’s mother,” said Daphne “She’s our neighbour and a good tenant always helps out their landowner.”

“Not everyone's bloody rich” snapped Harry.

“Well you are,” said Daphne.

“Denis and Collin’s dad is a milkman. He delivers milk to houses. They really struggled paying for school supplies.” said Harry crossly, not mentioning the Weasleys, who he had a pretty fair idea of Daphne’s opinions of.

“Well… a bigger endowment for Hogwarts, so it can pay for charity cases.” said Daphne. “And there needs to be rule about what people can wear outside classes. Some people came in baggy ragged clothes, some sort of muggle fashion.”

It took Harry a few moments to realise that Daphne was referring to Dudley’s old clothes. His blood boiled. “That” he snapped “Was because …. I only had my cousins old clothes.”

“More reasons muggleborns and orphans should be brought up by proper witches and wizards” said Daphne.

Harry totally agreed, but was also cross with her , so he faced the other way.

Sirius came in ten minutes later, to see them both facing in opposite directions.

“Oh had a bit of a lovers tiff,” he said sarcastically.

“Potter is determined to change everything.” said Daphne.

“She’s no better than bloody Malfoy,” replied Harry.

“Take that back!” said Daphne, outraged “I’m not a death eater. I hated using the torture curse in classes. Its awful and makes you feel dirty on the inside.”

“You what?” asked Sirius, sounding shocked.

“The Carrows, they made us torture the mudbloods and rebels in Defence Class.” said Daphne.

“Bloody Snape” snapped Harry “It’s one thing keeping a low profile, but that is ridiculous.”

“Headmaster Snape made sure they got potions, I think” said Daphne “Colin said so often.”

Harry started to get a picture in his minds-eye of what Hogwarts had really been like last year, and it wasn’t good.

“You didn’t know?” asked Daphne more softly.

“My friends didn’t mention it” said Harry tightly “Though I had bigger things on my mind.”

“Harry, ah… the thing is...” said Sirius awkwardly “If you’re brought up in a pureblood – ”

“Sacred twenty-eight” interrupted Daphne.

“Sacred twenty-eight house” continued Sirius “You never meet muggles, or muggleborns, or even many half-bloods. Why do you think your mum and dad fought hammer and tongs for six years.”

“I thought that was dad asking mum out and Dad being an… arrogant toerag?” asked Harry.

“Well that too” admitted Sirius awkwardly “People like your mum… they end up pushing for change, and … teaching all the purebloods around them stuff.”

“So Potters’ mother was like Granger?” asked Daphne.

“Harry’s mother was prefect, head girl and bloody marvellous at charms and potions.” said Sirius. “If James hadn’t been such a handsome, athletic, brilliant bloke, she’d have been far too good for him.”

“Brilliant?” asked Daphne.

“He became an animagus while he was still at school” said Harry. “A stag, Sirius is a dog, and… wormtail …. Pettigrew a rat. All so they could be with Remus Lupin safely when he turned into a werewolf.”

“He was a werewolf as a student!” exclaimed Daphne.

“Bitten as a small child to send a message to his parents. Greyback had his little ways.” said Sirius.

“Where is Remus anyway?” asked Harry.

“At Andromeda’s, changing nappies. He’s on nappies for forever. Tonks thinks it’s about time he did some work.” said Sirius. “Andromeda’s husband Ted died in the war, snatchers.” he added.

“A werewolf changing nappies?” said Daphne.

“Well Teddy’s his son, so it’s fair enough.” said Sirius. “He’s the one that knocked up my little cousin. Speaking of which… Harry, there’s a bottle of potion in your bathroom, one measuring cup a day, at least a day beforehand.”

Harry went beet-red.

“As Harry’s now humiliated, my work is done” Sirius said and left.

“Are you really expecting to… carry on?” asked Daphne awkwardly.

“I’m expecting to die of embarrassment first” said Harry honestly.

“Oh good” said Daphne “I’m not… that sort of girl.”

“Oh, right” said Harry “But… you do snog ?”

“I mean” said Daphne, twisting her handkerchief in her hands “That I’m not… experienced.”

Harry, having thought he had plumbed the depths of embarrassment, discovered that there were, in fact… more embarrassing things.

“Could you um...” said Daphne “Go to St Mungos… get a checkup. It’s just… I don’t want… pox.”

Harry collapsed onto the couch, hoping that it would just… eat him.

“Can we just… draw the line at snogging” groaned Harry. “You're the one that gets all grabby and panting.”

“I’m not made of Stone!” protested Daphne.

“You what?” asked Harry, sitting up and looking over at her. She had a pinched look on her face and her hands were wrapped in twisted handkerchief.

“Getting snogged by a big strong wizard who is Literally the saviour of the whole country. It’s just a natural reaction” said Daphne. “You don’t exactly complain.”

“It’s great” admitted Harry’s mouth. He swallowed. Stupid mouth.

“I uh… really don’t want anything nasty” asked Daphne. “And they can do something about your weight. You’re really thin.”

“There wasn't much food on the run. We ran out of money” admitted Harry.

“Couldn’t you… have gone to a …. homeless person meal place or something?” asked Daphne.

“Lots of places were watched. I had a massive bounty on my head” said Harry.

“It was very big” said Daphne, and her face slowly pinkened. “Um… Harry?” she asked.

“What?” asked Harry.

“How… big Are you?” she asked. Harry felt his face practically catch on fire.

“In case… I need to take special precautions” said Daphne.

“Quite… normal” said Harry, wondering if he could just vanish himself to avoid this conversation.

“”Could you um… measure… and give me the numbers. Just in case” said Daphne.

“Measure?” asked Harry.

“With a ruler. We’re… not doing that.” said Daphne.

“You want me to… measure?”

“Just in case.” said Daphne hurriedly.

“What’s really going on?” asked Harry.

“It’s just… Pansy says Draco’s bigger” said Daphne. “And you two did spend six years practically having dick-measuring contests”

“I’m not” said Harry stiffly “Measuring my tackle so you and Pansy can have a ‘My boyfriend's bigger contest’”

“Oh it’s small then” said Daphne nodding.

“It is not small!” said Harry.

“At least it won’t hurt” said Daphne drily.

“Besides, why would Pansy believe any measurements I told you” said Harry bitterly.

“Because there's such a thing as a magical vow.” said Daphne.

“They’re really dangerous” snapped Harry. “Not for silly crap like dick-size contests.”

“It can wait” said Daphne. “I’m sure you’ll be flopping it out soon enough”

“I am not” protested a beetroot in the shape of Harry Potter “Flopping it out!”

Daphne blinked “You say that.” she said “Once you’re got a clean bill of health, you’ll change your tune.”

“Are you trying to wind me up?” asked Harry.

“Not trying” said Daphne “You’re wound.” She smiled blandly in Harry’s general direction.

“Why wind me up?” asked Harry.

“Because you get all indignant and up on your dignity. It’s amusing” said Daphne. “And I really want to put Pansy in her place. There's no way in hell she’s coming back to school as a prefect next year after… her allegiances this year.”

“Is she actually thick?” asked Harry.

“Just spoiled,” said Daphne blandly, and Harry resisted the urge to make a wisecrack.

After Daphne left, Harry thought about their meeting. Good points, he knew a lot more about her. Bad points… he knew a lot more about her. She was spoilt little princess, and wanted him to go to St Mungo’s.

He therefore put off going to St Mungo’s for a day.

St Mungo’s was chaotic and noisy and… Harry got wildly preferential treatment, and was whisked off to an examination room by a green-robed healer.

“I’ve had a rough year” Harry admitted “Lost a lot of weight, and… I need a checkup. For… diseases.”

“I saw you got engaged to a long-time ally in Slytherin” said the female Healer, looking amused “The charm takes a minute” she said, and cast a spell on Harry’s lap. A purple glow emanated.

“Healthy” she said, and scribbled off a parchment, and stamped it. “This sort of thing is quite routine” she added “I just wish they taught health classes at Hogwarts. It’s a hotbed of infections and teenage pregnancy.”

Harry held out his hand.

“Oh we’ll owl it to her mother” said the Healer, and Harry’s heart stopped. “It’s quite an ordinary thing. Your guardian… Black will doubtless get one too.”

“You couldn’t… do a size check” asked Harry, and the healer burst out laughing.

“Oh she used that old one on you” giggled the healer “Oh. That takes me back. Fifth year in dorms, twitting boyfriends into all sorts of stupid escapades. Ahh… memories.”

Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“You are, however” said the healer more seriously “Quite emaciated. I’ll prescribe some nutrition potions, and a very limited supply of weight gain potion. It’s mentally addicting for some people, so you’re only getting two weeks worth. You will need to eat as many meals as you can manage, small ones to start with – ”

“I already know about that” interrupted Harry.

Harry went to the dispensary and picked up his potions, in a brown paper bag labelled ‘St Mungos: Most people get better.’

The potions tasted awful, and gave Harry a gnawing pain in his stomach that reappeared every four hours. After a week of eating nineteen different kinds of takeaway, which was Sirius’s solution to everything., Harry couldn’t see all his ribs any more. He explained his voracious eating.

“I should get some of that” said Sirius thoughtfully. “I’m not on the kiss-on-sight list any more, I could go to the hospital.”

Sirius flooed off to St Mungos, Harry thinking blackly… to get tested for pox.

Harry was eating at the kitchen table when the fireplace flared up and Daphne Greengrass came in.

“You’re eating?” she asked, shaking off floo-soot.

“Potions for the starvation,” said Harry “Make me very hungry.”

“Good” said Daphne, who was looking better than she had at Hogwarts.

“You’ve caught up on sleep?” asked Harry.

“A bit,” she admitted “Still having nightmares.”

Harry nodded “Yeah.” he said.

“You have nightmares?” Asked Daphne “Harry Potter has nightmares?”

Harry nodded “A lot,” he admitted “It’s been a tough seven years.”

“Maybe… you need to get treatment for that?” asked Daphne.

“My ribs aren’t all showing” said Harry.

“Well, show me?” asked Daphne.

“I’m not just taking my shirt off in the kitchen” said Harry.

“Well… your bedroom then, but no … throwing me on the bed” said Daphne.

Harry's pants tightened a bit, and he led an actual, live human girl into his bedroom at Grimmauld place.

“It’s quite dilapidated” she said politely.

“The cleaners and renovators are coming next week” observed Harry.

“Well, show me?” asked Daphne. “I’m practically your personal physician”

Harry undid his shirt and opened it. Daphne nodded “You look much healthier” she said.

Harry did up his shirt.

“What are you doing?” asked Daphne.

“Doing up my shirt” said Harry.

“I suppose,” said Daphne “You do still look a little sickly”.

“What!” said Harry indignantly.

“Well it’s not like I’m taking off My shirt” said Daphne. “I suppose it’s fair.”

“Daphne” said Harry patiently “You’re blackmailing me. It’s not the most romantic way to end up engaged to a girl!”

“Not really” admitted Daphne.

“I’m glad you agree” said Harry, stuffing the ends of his shirt into his jeans.

“I’m not really blackmailing you” said Daphne quietly. “Not if you do what I want.”

“That’s the definition of blackmail!” said Harry.

“No it isn’t,” said Daphne, “I’m not making you do anything you don’t want to.”

Harry glared.

“It’s not like I supported their regime,” said Daphne.

“You didn’t?”

“No” said Daphne “As Sirius said, I just don’t spend much time around half-bloods except Tracey. That will change now of course.”

Harry crossed his arms, feeling cross.

“Don’t look cross,” said Daphne, “You were happy enough to get kissed last night”

“What were you doing in the dungeon room anyway?” asked Harry.

“I like to snoop around when I can’t sleep” admitted Daphne “And pass a little information on, and even catch Potterwatch, if I can get to the safe house.”

“You listened to Potterwatch?” asked Harry.

“And it was clear that the Gringotts robbery wasn’t what the Prophet made it out to be. The denials were particularity badly written.” said Daphne “I knew something was going on.”

“So you were on our side?” asked Harry.

“A bit” Daphne offered. “Not on their side, just stuck in the Slytherin common room with them.”

“Right” said Harry mechanically.

Silence, and Daphne went to Harry’s desk, and inspected it, looked in the desk drawers and pulled the chair away and sat up on the desk top.

“You are a bit of a snooper, aren’t you?” asked Harry.

“What's in the room across the hall?” asked Daphne, swinging her feet.

“Regulus Black’s room. Sirius’s brother. He was a Slytherin, became a death eater, then betrayed Voldemort. He died in the first war, but helped us beat him. I can’t say how.”

“You can’t say? Or Won’t say?” asked Daphne.

“It’s a secret and terrible dark magic, and well… it lets evil bastards like Voldemort do what he did.” said Harry. “Best people no all know how.”

“So… is there anything cool in there?” asked Daphne “You apparently like semi-naked muggles draped on … machines?”

“Sirius put those up when he was fifteen to upset his mother” explained Harry “Permanent sticking charms.”

Daphne walked over and peered at one “She seems… very keen on the machine”

“Motorbike. Sirius made a flying one,” explained Harry.

“I hope you don’t expect me to carry on like that,” said Daphne. “It looks very… uncomfortable”

Harry felt his face going red. “No” he croaked out.

“And I don’t own leather underwear,” said Daphne, eyeing Harry.

Harry blushed still further. “Can you not do that” he groaned.

Daphne giggled. “You look so funny,” she said, “So embarrassed.”

Harry stood up “Look, it’s all very funny for you, but this is really stressful” he said.

Daphne stopped giggling and was staring fixedly at Harry’s trousers, “Crikey” she said. Harry looked down and his trousers were horribly tented by his erection. “f*ck” he muttered and turned his back and rearranged things.

“You say… that’s normal?” asked Daphne. “Seems quite… large.”

“Large?” asked harry, his pant-situation under control, he turned back to face her.

“A lot bigger than a wand or a finger” she said.

Harry nodded “Fine, wind me up” he said.

“I was hoping for a kiss actually” said Daphne “But you’re clearly… too… engorged for rational thought” she said awkwardly.

Harry took a deep breath “Look, I can keep a lid on it. We can … talk and snog” Harry said.

“And after you’ve snogged me till my head’s spinning… you’ll jump on me” said Daphne with a sigh.

“Not helping” said Harry.

Daphne got up off the desk and looked at Harry’s bedside table, where a glass and a cloth to wipe his glasses lay. She pulled the drawer open.

“Don’t look in there!” Harry called out, and leapt towards his bedside table.

Daphne pulled the drawer open, and there in plain sight was the dog-eared old magazine Sirius had left there. With a picture of a semi-naked woman on the cover. Daphne picked it up.

Harry was awkwardly close, and he backed off “It’s not what it looks like” said Harry “Sirius left it here. He’d been using this room till… till he died.”

Daphne opened the magazine and gasped. “She’s naked!” said Daphne, and she turned the magazine sideways “What the blazes… oh my!” she said.

“Um” said Harry “I’m not a pervert” he said hurriedly.

“You’re a teenage boy” said Daphne bluntly, and turned several pages, “Oh… that really can happen. Oh my” said Daphne, her neck blushing, her face still … made featureless by makeup, Harry realised. She turned a page and Harry’s pants tightened painfully. A girl was looking at … nudie pictures… racy nudie pictures in his bedroom.

“Oh Merlin,” said Daphne, her hands shaking “Is that? That can’t be pleasant.” she shuddered, and closed the magazine. She sat down hurriedly on the bed, and took a deep breath.

“Clearly” said Daphne “we need to talk about… things.”

Harry edged to the door “With the door shut, I think?” he asked.

“If you try anything, I will hex you” she said.

Harry closed the door, and swung the bolt over.

“Now” said Daphne “You’ve clearly been exposed to all kinds of muggle filth and depravity” she said, and cleared her throat “Whereas I am a well brought up… inexperienced witch.”

“Er” said Harry.

Daphne got up from the bed and walked over to Harry. She was, Harry realised, quite a bit shorter than him, making up for it in … bluster mostly. Hermione was taller, he realised.

“I need a drink” said Daphne “A very large drink, then we’re going to… continue to get acquainted with one another.”

“You’re blackmailing me, we're engaged, and now you tease me” said Harry.

“If I hadn't come up with that idea, down in the dungeons, do you think I would be engaged to Harry Slytherins-are-too-evil-for-me Potter?” asked Daphne.

“What?” asked Harry, ruffling the stupid bit on the back on his head that always stands up anyway.

“I saw an opportunity to get something I wanted, and I took it.” said Daphne. “It’s the house of the Ambitious”

“Money and political power” said Harry nodding.

“Er… more… a cute green-eyed wizard really” admitted Daphne. “But money and power are nice too.”

Harry’s brain slowed down again, like he’d been hit with an overpowered impediment jinx.

“You… wanted to… date me?” asked Harry.

“Everyone dreamed of Harry Potter… especially… in seventh year. Someone to save us.” said Daphne. “And you actually did.” she said, tilted her head “Fancy a snog?”

“Snog?” asked Harry.

Daphne stepped right over into Harry’s face, leaned upwards a little and kissed him “Snog” she murmured.

Harry’s hands started thinking for themselves and held the girl in front of him around the waist. She leaned back on his arms “Oh Mr Potter” she said. “Do you think you could snog me?

Harry gave it a really good try, and her hands knotted into his hair. Which was quite pleasant, and her lips were warm and soft and… she tasted nice. One of Harry’s arms decided to hold her a bit closer and she groaned in his arms. Snogging continued, till Harry was feeling quite out of breath.

Daphne looked up at him, her lips pinker than he recalled, eyes large “You are quite a good kisser” she said, breathing heavily, and pressed against his… terribly uncomfortable pants. Her um...chest pressed against him in a way that was reminiscent of snogging Ginny… only...different. Largely because more was pressing against him. His hands on her waist decided to split up, one up her back..which felt quite… back-like and the other onto … the bum of her robes, where… there was bum and it was… more bum than Harry had grabbed before. Daphne inhaled sharply “Mr Potter, you have grabbed my bottom,” she said quite properly.

“Er yes” said Harry.

“Well I can only expect more of the same then” said Daphne, and one of her hands let go his hair, slid down his side in tickley way and grabbed his bum, like she was using his bum as a quaffle.

“Miss Greengrass,” said Harry aping her earlier comment, “You've grabbed my bum”

“I have two,” said Daphne, and Harry’s brain froze. Did she really mean that? His other hand grabbed bum, and Daphne for some reason practically leapt onto him and started kissing him forcefully while holding his bum.

His other hand decided that her head needed held, and … while He’d held Ginny’s head while snogging before, Daphne was… different. She bulged. And groaned.

“Harry” she said in a husky voice “There’s a bed. We could lie down.”

And in a weird cross between a dance and an assault, Harry ended up on his bed, on his side, snogging Daphne Greengrass, who was still kissing him. Vague recollections of one or two snogs on beds came to mind, then Daphne pushed him over and climbed heavily onto him, to start kissing again.

Being used as furniture… even fully clothed was… different, but she kissed him over and over and… it felt good. His lap was in full-scale revolt by now, and one of his hands decided to pull up her robes a bit and grab her bum. Daphne moaned then … spread her legs and sat astride Harry, in a very uncomfortable way, and was half tangled in her robes.

“Bloody robes” she muttered, and started undoing the neck of her robe. Harry’s hands decided that holding her bum made sense right now. Once Daphne had loosened the neck ,she climbed off, nearly kneeing Harry in the balls, and pulled off her dress robe. She wasn’t, to Harry’s relief and disappointment, naked. She was wearing a silky shirt and a slip, which she evidently decided to keep on, and climbed back aboard Harry. Her legs split, the slip rode up and thighs braced across his waist, Daphne’s bum on his lap, the thighs… exposed milky white skin. The view was blocked by Daphne bending down and kissing Harry forcefully.

What could he do. He did the only thing possible under the circ*mstances, and grabbed her bum, silky slip dragged tight across it. She ground her hips onto Harry’s uncomfortable pants, and Harry just tried to keep up.

Then Greengrass… Daphne undid Harry’s shirt and started kissing his chest. Which was… nice… then she tickled him by sucking on his nipples. Blimey.

“Oy” said Harry “Stop”

Daphne raised her head, her hair loose and… like a short blonde mane. She was flushed and looked… absolutely gorgeous.

“Stop?” asked Daphne.

“What’s going on?” Harry asked.

“Were’ snogging” said Daphne.

“Snogging is clothes mostly on” said Harry. “This is I dunno. Nearly doing it.”

“Am I doing it wrong?” asked Daphne a little uncertainly.

“Uh… no” said Harry. “Just… we hardly know each other”

“But I want to” said Daphne.

“We can talk to get to know each other” said Harry.

“I want to jump on your wand and bounce till I explode” said Daphne, and Harry blinked. “You.. want to...”

“Yes” said Daphne, sitting up and starting undoing the buttons to her blouse.

Harry watched, transfixed as the blouse opened and she threw it to the chair. She was wearing a white bra. A bigger bra than Ginny would wear. Because… more boob. Two boobs. Daphne caught his gaze “Oh… you like them?” asked Daphne “Are you a tit man, Harry Potter?”

“I” gulped Harry. Daphne pushed the sides of her bra together, showing more and more cleavage.

Harry’s groin sent urgent messages to his brain, and the hands on her arse jumped magnetically to her breasts.

“Be gentle,” said Daphne “But firm,” she said breathily.

Harry…. massaged breasts for a bit, Daphne grinding on his lap.

The Daphne reached behind herself and undid the bra ,and dropped it off. Bare, her breasts, so much bigger than Ginny’s sagged slightly, had pink nipples, like pencil erasers surrounded by goose-pimples. And they were warm and soft and when his thumbs rubbed her nipples she moaned. She had a smile on her face. “Keep doing that” she said softly, rocking her hips.

A bit later she said “Just a bit more” and pulled up her slip, reaching into her crotch and doing something… and she said “Keep going… please” in a half breath.

Harry barely managed to keep up with her fairly urgent movements, and finally Daphne stilled “Mmmm,” she said. “Well… I’m a very happy girl.”

She was a very flushed girl. All the way to both breasts. Both.. warm, slightly sticky breasts.

Daphne clambered off Harry, who groaned “I’m nearly dead”.

“Get undressed then” asked Daphne.

“Undressed?” asked Harry, as Daphne pulled down her slip, revealing legs. Girl legs, topped by a pair of lacy knickers. Harry rolled off the bed and stood up, his trousers tented.

“Get those off, that looks really uncomfortable” said Daphne , covering her breasts with her hands.

Harry kicked off his trainers, ripped his shirt off, and undid his trousers, and pulled them down, leaving only soggy pants.

Daphne pulled the cover of the bed down and slid in, sliding over and flicking the covers down, making an inviting path for Harry “Get in” she said.

Harry decided then and there, and removed his pants.

“Oh my” said Daphne, freezing in the bed “That’s… what it looks like”

Harry looked down. His manhood stood at full attention. He looked over at the naked girl in his bed “Hello” said Harry unable to think of anything to say, and got into the bed. Daphne had been doing something, and waved a pair of knickers on one hand, and tossed them aside, then slid against Harry “On your back!” she said.

Harry rolled over, and Daphne mounted his lap again… but more nakedly. She braced and a searching hand grabbed his willy, pulled it about… then... she slid on slowly.

Harry’s eyes widened. The warm, firm sensation around his willy was amazing. If this was shagging, no wonder people did it anywhere they could.

His hands gabbed her waist, slid up to cup her breasts. The covers slid down and Daphne sat astride his lap, her bum barely covered, naked on his willy. She ground her hips, and instead of torture… it was… bloody great.

“I like this” said Harry incoherently.

“I think,” said Daphne, lifting up a bit and lowering… which had Harry’s manhood sending congratulations to the rest of Harry, “That shagging is very nice.”

They continued to slowly explore for ages.

“Should we try going faster?” asked Daphne.

“Depends,” asked Harry “You want me to go off… just… move a smidgen faster.”

“You're that close?” she asked “Oh you poor thing,” she said and started to raise and fall, then leaned forward, to kiss Harry and slip along him… Harry lasted under a minute with that much stimulation and groaned softly.

Daphne froze “That’s…. you coming?” she asked. “Feels… odd” she said , and gyrated her hips. “Mmmm feels good.”

“Ah… you need to get off” asked Harry. “It hurts for a bit.

“Hurts?” asked Daphne “I can’t have hurt you, I was very gentle. I’m the virgin here.”

“Uh… Daphne… you’re not any more… and it hurts afterwards. Just does.” said Harry.

“Well” said Daphne stilling “How soon before I can have some more?”

“A few minutes” offered Harry. “Maybe fifteen”

“I can… three times in that time” said Daphne indignantly “What sort of dreadful world is this?”

“Geroff” said Harry ,and Daphne lay beside Harry, who rolled on his side and started kissing Daphne.

“So you can kiss?”

“Everything but the willy” said Harry “For a bit”

Daphne directed Harry’s hands and she helped too, soon panting “Oh a bit more… just a bit more” she asked.

When Daphne sighed gently and still Harry asked “So… without a willy?”

“Snuggle me” she said. Harry obliged.

Some time later, Harry started pulling the covers down on a flushed faced, messy haired Daphne.

Her shoulder, breasts, hips, legs bared Harry stared.

“Is there some reason to uncover me?” asked Daphne “I’m getting cold”

“To admire you,” said Harry “You’re beautiful. I’d love to see us… doing it.”

“Not… under a cover,” said Daphne. “Like that magazine.”

Harry flicked the cover up and held her gently “You make me… horny. It’s a pleasure to see you naked.”

“Well, you could warm the room up,” said Daphne. “Are you capable of… sex again yet?”

Harry got out of bed naked, found his wand , lit the fire and cast warming charms.

“Get back in bed” said Daphne. Harry obliged.

Daphne climbed onto Harry’s lap again and … like last time… it was great.

“Good to be back in the saddle” said Daphne, with a wiggle. Harry pushed the covers away and admired the witch on his lap. Daphne turned her face away.

Harry grasped her hips and rocked. “Hey… face me… we’re together in this”

“uhhh” said Daphne, and leaned down to snog forcefully.

Afterwards, Harry covered them up, and they lay together. The feeling of so much warm, soft and slightly sticky woman lying against him was somehow deeply soothing.

Daphne retrieved the magazine and flicked through it.

“Why would anyone do that?” she asked, and showed Harry a scene of a woman sucking a penis.

“A blow j*b?” asked Harry “I suppose it feels good”

“Oh THAT’s a blow j*b. Apparently boys will do Anything for one” said Daphne. “You haven’t?”

“Snogging.” said Harry “Clothes on, some hands up shirts”

“And me. Oh… well… it doesn’t look hard” said Daphne. Harry snorted.

“If I did that” asked Daphne “Do you think you’d get hard again sooner?”

“I expect so, you could also prance about naked, or play with your own nipples” said Harry honestly. She shook her head.

Daphne pulled the covers down and sat up and inspected Harry’s lap. Her hand gingerly picked up his soft willy.

“Oh” said Daphne “It’s like it’s dead, like a flobberworm”

“Kiss of life” suggested Harry.

Daphne wriggled down the bed and eyed his willy, and gave it an experimental lick.

“Tastes of me” she observed and Harry’s willy twitched.

She sat up “Oh merlin. I’m such a fool” she said.

“What?” asked Harry.
“This is why Pansy organised the sausage swallowing contest in dorms. I was so proud of winning” said Daphne.

Harry’s willy twitched.

Daphne looked up at Harry’s blushing face “there I was bragging about having a big mouth” she said, and blinked. “She must have been laughing herself silly later.”

“Do you really?” asked Harry, and Daphne opened her mouth wide, and closed it “As you can see, quite large.” Harry nodded downwards.

“Oh… you’ think I should shut up and swallow?” asked Daphne and Harry groaned.

Daphne turned to Harry’s manhood, now more erect.

“The mere threat seems effective,” she said and gently took him in hand and licked. Harry inhaled sharply.

A few moments later, her pink lips wrapped around his manhood and she slid down his quickly stiffening organ. After a minute of gently sucking, she looked up at a glazed-eyed Harry.

She let him go “So you can resist the Imperious but not a blowj*b?” she asked.

“Nuhuh,” said Harry incoherently.

Her hand grabbed and squeezed. “Not quite hard enough yet” she said.

“Oh come on,” said Harry “It’s do, or … get more in your mouth. That’s definitely going to help.”

“Help you,” said Daphne.

“You’re in charge here,” said Harry.

“Yes I could bite” said Daphne. Harry flinched. “I wouldn’t” said Daphne gently “It’s a friendly organ you’ve got there.”

“I do so want to be your friend again today,” said Harry.

Daphne lowered her head and Harry groaned.

A minute or so later, she lifted her head from his lap “That can’t need more” she said, and licked her lips.

“Hop on” said Harry cheerfully “I’m sure I can manage it now”

And he lasted quite a long time too. Daphne groaned and kissed Harry deeply after a fifteen minute grind “Thanks” she said, and started rising.

“I’m not done yet” said Harry, putting his hands on the tops of her thighs and pressing down..

“But.. I….” said Daphne.

“Well, not yet for me” said Harry.

Two hours and another blowj*b later, Daphne lay, red-faced on the bed, covered in sweat. “You’re… done?” she asked.

“Getting actually sore,” admitted Harry “Bravo thought.. .you’re. Brilliant.”

“There’s such a thing as oral sex for women too” said Daphne.

Harry checked his watch “sh*t” he said sharply “It’s nearly six.”

“Bugger,” said Daphne, and got out of bed and hunted for her underwear. Harry drew his wand and summoned it.

“Here you go… Christ… you get really wet” said Harry.

“You’re nice to ride even clothed” she admitted, scourgifying them, and getting dressed.

“You need” said Harry ,pulling on pants “To wear less clothes, specially next year. I see a lot of broom cupboards in our future.”

“I like beds” said Daphne, pulling on her blouse.

Harry, shirtless stepped behind Daphne and held her, one hand caressing a breast, nuzzling the nape of her neck “Of really, not just… “ he grabbed her bum “Pressing against a wall”

Daphne shivered “You’re a monster.” she said “Using a poor innocent pureblood witch” she said, pressing her bum into Harry’s lap.

“Brace yourself on the desk” suggested Harry.

“I’m getting dressed not shagging” said Daphne primly, but Harry kneaded both her breasts.

“Hey I’m getting dressed,” complained Daphne “Let me go”

Harry let her go, and she did up her blouse, Harry grabbed his shirt and dressed quickly, Daphne pulling on her robe and buttoning up.

“I’d best floo home” said Daphne.

“Daphne?” asked Harry “Use my bathroom, there’s a mirror and stuff”

“Shame there wasn’t time for a shower” said Daphne, and she left his bedroom.

Sirius looked at Harry over dinner.

“Getting to know Miss Greengrass?” he asked noncommittally.

“Something like that” said Harry.

“You’ve got lipstick all over your head” said Sirius.

Harry blushed.

“You two have an understanding now?” asked Sirius.

“Er… yes” said Harry.

Chapter 5: Lessons were learned.

Chapter Text

Hermione and Ron came to visit on Thursday, to meet , unexpectedly the professional cleaners, who were ripping out all the rotten things.

“Cor” said Ron as a room-full of mouldy wallpaper came off. “They’re going for it.”

“I suppose” said Hermione “That professionals will do quite well. How was um… your meeting with Daphne Greengrass yesterday.”

Harry had to lead his friends upstairs, and the only quiet was in his room.

Harry sat on the end of his bed “We argued” said Harry honestly “About what was a reform priority.”

Hermione’s eyebrows shot upwards “You talked about… politics?”

“Well she’s a rich Slytherin, she’d be all in favour of how things use to be” said Ron.

“Er” said Harry “Actually… there were a lot of things Daphne thinks need reforming. Getting rid of marriage contracts for one thing.”

Ron nodded.

“Marriage contracts?” asked Hermione stridently.

“Only like, really old dark houses do that” said Ron “It’s a last-century thing.”

“Magically binding marriage contracts” said Harry “I agree. You know how I feel about binding magical contracts that people fall into.”

Hermione nodded “That's… quite progressive” Hermione admitted.

“Some of her ideas are just… stupid” admitted Harry “Like making Defence against the dark arts optional. Because it’s gross and scary.”

Hermione blinked “It sounds like she’s a bit… stupid” she said bluntly.

“Last year” Harry began “The Carrows made defence class over, as ‘cast the torture curse on troublemakers and ‘lesser bloods’ class. Daphne objects to casting it. Says it leaves you feeling dirty on the inside.” Harry paused. “I agree, I’ve done it twice now, and I don’t ever want to do it again. I hate to think what it’s like doing it every week for a year.”

“Ginny never mentioned that!” said Ron angrily, heading for the door. Harry jabbed his wand at the door locking it. “Stop Ron” he said loudly.

Ron turned “My little sister has had the bloody torture curse cast on her by other students. I’m going to find out all the names, and fix this” said Ron angrily.

“How” said Harry loudly “It wasn’t illegal. They changed the law. It was for educational purposes. And we used the bloody imperious curse. Which is worse.”

“We did it for a good cause” said Hermione.

Harry stared into her hazel eyes “We thought so” said Harry “But that doesn’t make it right.”

“Are you suggesting” said Hermione “That we hand ourselves in to be imprisoned?”

“No” said Harry “I'm saying we Never tell anyone, we used a confundus. Remember that. And we accept that Hogwarts was bloody prison this year, with people forced to cast evil dark magic. I suspect Ginny had to cast it too. All our friends ended up hiding in the Room of Requirement, but I suspect they tried to cope before it got too much.”

Hermione bit her lip. “Snape has a lot to answer for.” she said.

“He made potions to treat it, ensured they got distributed. He tried to keep the students as safe as he could” said Harry.

“Harry… you’re defending bloody Snape, he hated you” said Ron.

“Yes… but he saved us. Save me personally. Who left us the sword of Gryffindor?” said Harry.

“Are you going to be his biggest fan now?” asked Ron.

“No” said Harry “But… he did what he could. He literally died to save us, Ron. It was a painful death.”

“I’m still not going to his funeral” said Ron. Harry blinked “His funeral?”

“There’s a lot of funerals” said Ron “Dad’s got the master list. I expect you’re expected at most of them. Being… the chosen one, the slayer of Voldemort.”

“f*ck that” snapped Harry. “Looks what happened to Dumbledore.”

“Harry, that book sensationalised things” said Hermione.

“Not much” said Harry. “But, I am going to ever bloody funeral. And you two are as well. We’re the three most wanted.”

“I wasn’t on the list for ages” said Ron proudly.

“Because your girlfriend's good at plans” said Harry. “The ghoul kept them off the scent for ages.”

“Are you… going to take Greengrass?” asked Hermione.

“Oh sure. I’ll take a Slytherin to a bunch of … actually… yes I bloody will. And go to the funerals of Slytherins and… death eaters.” said Harry slowly and thoughtfully.

“Who are you and what have you done with Harry Potter?” asked Hermione jokingly.

“Unity” said Harry. “And thanks to Daphne hardly any students from Slytherin died. Only the ones that were on Death-Eater holiday camp. Like Malfoy, though he didn’t die”

“Mores’ the pity” said Ron.

“Oh come on” said Harry “Daphne told me they left Draco with broken legs overnight. Not life threatening. Bellatrix used a bone-breaker to knock over the Death eaters who tried to run. That must have hurt like hell.”

“Surely he’ll go to prison?” asked Hermione.

“I think if someone vouched for him, he might get off with a fine. His father… he’s a dead certainty for Azkaban. There’s a plan to hit Malfoy up for donations to rebuild Hogwarts before September. His mother? I dunno. She’s a cow, but my adopted aunt.”

“A year in Prison” suggested Hermione “Some quality time with her husband.”

“Remind me” said Ron “To never piss you off. Again.”

“Oh” said Harry, realising he had news. “There's some other news.”

“News? Asked Hermione.

“Order of Merlin in the works” admitted Harry “And… Sirius has put his foot down… I have to be married to Greengrass before the first anniversary of the battle.”

“Married?” asked Ron “Isn’t engaged bad enough?”

Hermione wandered over to the desk, where Sirius’s skin magazine was lying, open, flung there from the bed.

“Harry!” Hermione exclaimed “Dirty magazines?”

“Sirius left it here” said Harry.

Hermione picked it up like a dirty sock and closed it. “I’ll incinerate it” she said, taking it to the fireplace.

“Oy!” said Harry “I don’t go incinerating your books”

“Mine don’t feature naked women sucking on … willies” said Hermione.

“Cor” exclaimed Ron, lurhcing towards Hermione.

Hermione flung the magazine in the fireplace and incinerated it wordlessly.

“Well, good incendio anyway” said Harry. “How I’m supposed to learn about sex now, I don’t know.”

“Learn about sex?” asked Hermione.

“Well, I have an obligation to provide an heir for the Greengrasses, and ahem… I can’t just.. get into bed one day and say “Oh Daphne, we need to make a baby. I hope you did the reading.”

“Dirty magazine are not a reference. They depict unrealistic acts, and encourage unrealistic standards for women's bodies” said Hermione.

“Daphne’s better looking than the women in the magazine you just incinerated, but I agree. The stuff in there was pretty weird. Though sex is quite odd really” said Harry “A bit ridiculous in places.”

“Harry” said Ron, putting a hand on Harry’s shoulder “Have you been shagging my sister?”

“Er… no” said Harry. “And you were implying Hermione’s been gargling your bits”

“Ron!” said Hermione angrily.

“Sorry” said Ron. “It slipped out.”

“You” said Hermione glaring at Ron “are going to be all alone for a week.”

“Hermione!” said Harry “Don’t cut him off, just... no blowj*bs. Hmh next year… you’re going back, you’ll be head girl.”

“Harry James Potter” said Hermione, her hair visibly lifting “You wash your mouth out.”

Harry felt quite proud of that quip.

“Are you going back?” asked Ron to Harry, backing away from Harry and Hermione.

“To get NEWTs” said Harry “Or everyone will always say I only got a job because of my fame. I want to spend one almost normal year at Hogwarts. Apart from getting married. The married quarters. As mentioned in Hogwarts, A history, but never mentioned by Hermione Granger.”

“It wasn’t relevant” said Hermione. “You can just sleep in dorms”

“I’d rather be in bed with my wife” said Harry. “I believe it’s habit-forming.”

“But it’s just a business deal” said Ron.

“And stuff” said Harry “Hey Hermione, thanks for telling me that every bloody girl in sixth year fancied me.”

Hermione went red in the face “It would have made you as big an egotist as Malfoy” she said “It was for your own good.”

“I could have done with some positives” said Harry. “But you protected me, so I guess I can tell Ron that I did definitely snog your sister in sixth year, and I did get my hand up her shirt.”

“Harry!” said Ron “My little sister!”

“Oh come on” sad Harry “She’s a grown-up.”

“Who you dropped awfully quickly” said Ron bitterly.

“We broke up at the end of sixth year Ron” said Harry.

“But you stared at the map all year” said Hermione.

“Which was, in hindsight, stupid. If I’d learnt some healing charms, what a good use of my time that would have been” said Harry. “But I just obsessively stared at the map. Like sixth year, but Ginny instead of Malfoy.”

“Have you gone gay?” asked Ron quietly.

“No Ron, I have not gone gay.” said Harry “I’m just engaged. That’s all.”

Hermione sat on the bed near the head and sniffed “Harry!” she said “Your bed smells of sex” she snapped, standing up.

“Er, should have changed the sheets” Harry said thoughtfully.

“But… I saw Ginny yesterday” said Ron “She was working in the orchard.”

Harry nodded.

“Harry, I know Sirius is a bad influence, but… you can’t get Daphne Greengrass offside. She could put us in Azkaban. She might object to fangirls or prostitutes” said Hermione.

“I suspect she would” said Harry. “Let’s not discuss it again.”

Hermione leaned down and picked up a hair off Harry’s pillow. A foot-long blonde hair. “Harry” she said quietly “Whose hair is that?”

“Hermione, I don’t ask what you and Ron get up to, and please never tell me, it’s kind of gross to think about. Please do me the courtesy of some privacy. Even though the cleaners came on the day you visited and this is the only vaguely quiet room in the house.

“Are they going to do this floor” asked Ron “Only this rooms ceiling is crap, and the curtains are mildewey, and I have my doubts about the bed.”

“It’s the second best bed I’ve ever had after Hogwarts” said Harry “I think this floor is last.”

They all sat quietly, Hermione glaring at the hair in her hand.

“Bollocks” said Harry suddenly realising something, “We’ve got a mission. Us three, right now” he said certainly.

“What?” asked Hermione.

“We need to go into Regulus’s room and make sure the cleaners don’t find anything they shouldn’t. Like his death eater regalia.” said Harry.

“Bollocks” said Ron “That would be hard to explain.”

Hermione had dropped the hair and was half-way across the room “Detect hidden things, detect curses, and lots of dispelling” she said.

“And it’s well hidden” said Harry, getting up from the bed “Bill missed it, I think, if he checked the house.”

Ron found the hidden cupboards in the room. The one behind the wardrobe had death-eater regalia.

“sh*t” said Harry “Did Bill even check this place properly?”

“Or any of the Order” asked Hermione.

“I guess we were all busy” admitted Ron “I mean, we were underage.”

Harry tried vanishing the robes. It proved a long, difficult task, and by the time he was done, his wand hand was shaking.

“Crikey” said Ron, poking the bone-white mask with his wand “Wonder how this will go?” and he began vanishing it.

Harry, who had sat down on Regulus’s bed, tried vanishing the newspaper clippings off the headboard. The sticking charm wasn’t permanent, and Harry banished them into the fireplace and burnt them with a long fiery incendio. Then opened the bedside cabinet drawer, to find a book.

It was not a dairy, so he opened it, to find it poems. He frowned and tried to read one… to blink at the words. Dirty poems. Really dirty poems. Regulus had been an intellectual apparently.

Harry put the book on top of the cabinet. “Well. Not dirty pictures” he said.

Hermione picked it up and opened it to the page it fell open on and read, her face going red.

“p*rnographic poems” said Harry, and Hermione snapped the book shut, and thrust it back into the bedside cabinet.

“So can I keep that in my bedside cabinet?” asked Harry.

“You’re… awful” said Hermione, blushing.

Harry picked it up and banished it into his beside drawer.

“Harry!” said Hermione.

“It can get awfully lonely” said Harry.

“You – ” began Hermione.

“None of your business, even as my friend” said Harry. “If my partner chose to tell you, that’s different.”

Hermione crossed her arms over her chest and frowned “That’s a remarkably mature thing to say.” she conceded.

The trio searched the room for another hour, finding some ancient firewhiskey hidden in another cupboard, a box of what looked like love-letters, which Harry pointedly put back in the box and said “Those are my adoptive uncles’… we won’t read them” and a half-charred bundle of letters and pictures, featuring young Sirius and Regulus, and letters to Regulus from Sirius at school.

“Those belong to Sirius” said Harry “I’ll put both in the library. Sirius can deal with them later.”

“It’s weird that you just… got him back” said Ron.

“It’s brilliant” admitted Harry “Imagine having to be the adult, handle everything. It’s bad enough with funerals and being engaged.”

“Did you ever work out what was in the snitch?” asked Ron.

Harry chuckled “The Resurrection stone. Which works, by the way. I had a chat with Colin.”

“The Deathly Hallows are real?” asked Hermione.

“Well I have all three, so I’d say so” admitted Harry.

“Cor, are you like, master of death now?” asked Ron.

“No” said Harry “I’m just Harry Potter, quidditch seeker, and something about some dark lord. And No, Hermione , we’re not using cursed ancient magical objects for research. The story says it drives you to suicide. We’ll take that as a warning. Suicide bad.”

“But… your parents” said Ron.

“I never met them, that I remember Ron. I just have the pictures, and what I saw in the mirror of Erised, which is also, I will note, cursed.” said Harry.

“You're’ being very mature” said Hermione.

“Harry Potter, the man-who-won,” said Harry blandly. “We all nearly died, and the backup plan was… me dying.” I’ve been right to the edge Hermione. And… there are blonde hairs on my pillowcase.”

Hermione flushed “You were being so mature, then you… made aspersions” she said.

Harry shrugged “I’m only seventeen. I can’t keep it up for that long.”

Ron went red in the face and burst out laughing, and Hermione blushed “Harry!” she exclaimed. “Don’t say that!”

“Oh come on, you two are my best friends in the world” said Harry “We just got rid of some really dark artefacts. We can joke about things.”

“If Daphne Greengrass finds out you’re sleeping around, she can put you in prison,” said Hermione tightly.

“So I won’t sleep around” said Harry, nodding. “Daphne Greengrass. Blonde, quite… fond of me it turns out.”

Hermione went red in the face, and Ron gasped. “But she’s a slimy Slytherin!” said Ron.

“Oh Ron… that’s just sweat” said Harry with a smirk, and Hermione hit him. “Don’t you dare!” she said loudly.

Harry smiled slightly.

Kreacher appeared with a pop, covered in plaster dust.

“Master,” croaked the elderly elf, “Master’s witch is here.”

“Well, that’s a surprise” said Harry cheerily, “Kreacher, tell Daphne I’m on the top floor.” The old elf vanished with a pop.

Moments later there was a crack of apparation on the landing.

“Harry?” called Daphne Greengrass.

“I’m in here with Hermione and Ron” said Harry loudly. “We’ve been cleaning up Uncle Regulus’s things”

Daphne walked in slowly, wearing a neatly fitted tartan robe, and a slight frown.

“Granger, Weasley” she said. “What is going on?”

“Sirius’s cleaners are vanishing things, and we decided to clean out certain things. The Blacks tended to accumulate dark artefacts.” said Harry. “Oh, and Hermione incinerated my p*rnographic magazine. She doesn’t approve.”

“I hadn’t even seen all of it,” said Daphne, with a slight wink to Harry. “Honestly Granger, I’d think you’d be more respectful of books. Magazine are practically books. Harry snorted, and Hermione stared at Daphne Greengrass intently.

“Are you twitting me?” Hermione asked.

“Suggesting you keep your hands off his possessions.” said Daphne politely.

“Oh I had an idea, dear” said Harry “That we go to all the post-war funerals together, both sides. A gesture of unity”

“Don't dear me, Potter” said Daphne, with her eyelids flicking nearly shut “That’s an interesting idea. Have you got funeral robes?”

“Er? I hardly have any clothes.” admitted Harry. “Been on the run”

“Twilfitt for something really appropriate. Do I wear a matching outfit? I Don’t have funeral robes.” asked Daphne.

Ron looked aghast “Funeral Robes?” he asked “That’s a bit posh.”

“He’s the heir of the Black family, and the only living Potter.” said Daphne “And something about defeating you-know-who in a duel. He’s kind of important.”

“That’s a really good point,” said Hermione excitedly “You might wear really plain robes, look really pious”

“He’d look poor, and underdressed. There’s a whole range of funeral robes for making all kinds of statements.” said Daphne.

“Oh” said Hermione.

“Have you got money yet?” asked Daphne.

“Not… yet” admitted Harry.

“I can’t afford the kind of robes we’ll need.” said Daphne. “We’ll need Sirius Black.”

“Kreacher!” Harry called and Kreacher appeared with a pop.

“We need to speak to Sirius. Where is he?” Harry asked.

“Bad dogmaster is in the Office.” said Kreacher.

“First floor” said Harry. “Apparate?” Harry asked.

“It’s crowded down there, risks splinching” said Hermione.

“We’re bloody walking,” said Ron loudly vetoing getting splinched, oddly enough.

They walked down in single file, squeezing past cleaners cursing wallpaper off walls, plaster away and generally making a lot of mess.

Sirius was sitting in the office, behind a desk looking at paperwork. He looked remarkably grown-up.

“Harry, oh and Daphne and Little Hermione and Ron. What’s up?”

Harry explained his idea about funerals.

“Hmm” said Sirius “Bloody irritating. Kreacher can go with you, and I’ll pop over and pay.”

“Would you go too?” asked Hermione.

“I hate funerals.” said Sirius.

“Well, a lot are for people you don’t like” admitted Harry.

“Tempting to spit on their graves” offered Sirius. Daphne looked scandalised.

“I’m not trying to position myself for a career in politics” Sirius explained.

“But you could do a lot of good” said Hermione and Daphne nodded.

“Guilting me in to being responsible,” said Sirius “She’s a bad influence” Sirius pointed to Harry, “Can’ you just come to dinner with lipstick on your face like most engaged teenagers?”

Harry sighed.

“Fine” said Sirius “But I draw the line at a cane.”

“One With a Silver grim on it, with glowing eyes?” asked Harry.

“Why did I adopt you?” asked Sirius jokingly. Harry shrugged. “guilt?”

“Twillfitt and Tattings. Funeral robes all round… in fact… Miss Granger, fancy some really nobby funeral robes? You’ll disgust a lot of people just being seen in them.” said Sirius.

The end of Daphne’s lip twitched upwards momentarily.

Twilfitt and Tattings had no stock on display and one darkly dressed attendant, a witch with dark rimmed glasses.

The attendant at Twilfitt and Tattings was dismissive of the teens until Sirius came in.

“Right” said Sirius “Funeral Robes all round. We want to say, funeral, and we’re rich, and mine and Harry’s will have Black family crests. His is a Heirs. Daphne’s will have a Heir’s Greengrass crest, and a Black Crest on the opposite shoulder and Ronalds’ a Weasley. Miss Granger is armagenerous, so no crest. But… all of them the sort of thing my grandfather wore to funerals…. No the sort of thing my great-grandfather wore to funerals. Not his own, obviously.”

The assistant flicked an abacus and a robe-hanger slid out of a wall panel, covered in dark robes.

Sirius walked along the space-expanded robe-hanger , looking at robes, finally pulling out a dark black robe covered in black embroidery and black beading.

“This sort of thing” he said, heaving it onto an unobtrusive wall hook. “For the men, for the women… well, Daphne’s engaged to Harry, so, we need something with a bit of presence.

The robe hanger disappeared to be replaced seconds later by a different one from the same space, covered in more … feminine robes. Sirius pulled out a robe with a huge collar and pointed shoulders like McGongall might wear to a party “Now this sort of thing, but … in a more funerary style.”

“Potter crests on My robe and Daphne’s “ aded Harry. “And… maybe a bit more on mine.”

“Peverells too?” asked Hermione.

“Hmm, yes” said Harry. “A big old Peverell crest on the back of mine.”

“I take it you’re a Peverell” said the attendant.

“The last living one on any line” said Hermione “I’m pretty sure. He’s a Peverell on the female line in twelve eighty.”

“Well… a crest would normally be smaller than that” said the attendant.

“You’re a Peverell?” asked Daphne, head tilted.

“Sounds more impressive than Potter, but we were founded by a Potter and a Peverell” said Harry.

Daphne said “Pillock” quite quietly.

“What… is the Peverell crest?” asked the attendant.

“Hermione, parchment and quill?” asked Harry.

Hermione rolled her eyes and got them out of her tiny beaded bag.

Harry drew a triangle, with circle inside it, bisected by a line, and wrote “Peverell” on the bottom.

“Your handwriting is terrible” observed Daphne.

The attendant frowned “How big?” she asked Harry. Harry said “Big.”

“Harry, don’t be crass. The usual three inch crest.” said Daphne blandly. “It would make a nice collar closure”

Harry glanced over at the make funeral robe, with a high collar. “Oh I hate high collars” he said.

“You’ve never worn one” said Sirius “And these will all be acromantula silk. They look stiff but aren’t. Secrets of the pureblood pretence.”

“Mr Black is correct.” said the attendant, walking over and demonstrating that the collar bent with the slightest force and sprang back.

“The essential thing is have a perfect fit so the collar sits erect” said the attendant. Ron snorted.

The attendant took out a black robe with black embroidery and hung it beside the pointy-shoulder robe.

“This is one of our more traditional funerary robes” she said.

“And it will do admirably for Miss Granger, but the collar and shoulders for Daphne.” said Sirius.

“She’ll look very prickly” said the attendant.

“She’s not really” said Harry sotto voce to Daphne, and was discretely elbowed.

“And for Mr Weasley?” asked the attendant.

“Oh, same as ours” said Sirius “He’s a valued member of the team.”

“Mum’s going to freak” said Ron.

“Now, measure all of us, and allow for a bit more meat on Harry” said Sirius “And me I suppose. If the damn potions work.”

Measurements took hours, and Sirius simply signed a parchment instead of paying. “Well” said Sirius “We can go home and see what mess the cleaners made. Miss Greengrass, are you staying for dinner?”

They left the shop, and Daphne gave Sirius a cold look. “I have not arranged to stay for dinner.” she said.

“Probably for the best. It’s probably going to be takeaway Indian” admitted Sirius. “And we’re both on growth potions, so we eat like starved dogs.”

Daphne grimaced momentarily.

“Come on, all back to my house” said Sirius, and apparated away.

Harry, Ron Hermione and Daphne got in the front door and followed Sirius to the dining room , where the endless china hutches were gone, and the wall was being spelled white.

“We’ll use the damn china pantry” said Sirius “Mother didn’t like the paintings on the wall, apparently, and put the damn hutches up when she married father.”

“How dreadful” said Daphne “Paintings of dining relatives are such a tradition.”

“I know,” said Sirius, “The Potters had dozens. Woken up, it was always a rowdy old dining hall… shame it burnt down.”

“You knew dad’s house well?” asked Harry.

“Lived there” said Sirius, sinking into the chair at the head of the table casually, “Left home, mother said she’d disinherit me, and never went back. James asked him mum, and I moved in. Your grandmother was a remarkably kind woman for all that.”

“All what?” asked Harry, sitting, as did everyone else.

“Well… she was a tall, severe indian” said Sirius, shrugging “With a Boston accent, or southern, depending if we were in company or not. Your Grandfather, well, he adored your grandma. He didn’t approve of me. And I was justifiably terrified of Monty Potter. Pro duellist. Before he left Hogwarts.”

“Sirius” said Harry “When you say Indian, what do you mean?”

“From America, she was from somewhere in the south. Her family had been around forever, of course, and then she married a pale-face, and an Englishman. You and James both tan really easily, but your grandmother. She avoided the sun like a vampire. Tried to look pale, and European.”

“I’m part American?” asked Harry. Sirius shrugged. “You’re James’s son. Thought you do act like Lily sometimes.”

“Excuse me Sirius, am I to take it that Harry’s grandmother, whom I cannot find anything about except that her surname is Roundtree, is from a very old family?” asked Daphne.

“Makes the Blacks look like muggleborns” said Sirius “And Roundtree is the name they use in English. In their language… I can’t even imitate it. And her middle name, it comes in the records as X, but in her family, it’s a private name.”

“One sympathises,” said Daphne.

“What is your middle name?” asked Harry.

“Not in public” said Daphne. “I will have to hear it when we wed, but not before.”

“Oh boy,” said Ron, “Mine’s worse”

Daphne’s glare shot around to Ron, who nodded “Bilius” he explained.

“Mine is worse” said Daphne. “I’ll have to tell mummy about Harry’s grandmother.”

“I’m sure the American version of Natures Nobility, whatever it’s called has them in it” said Sirius casually.

“Do I um, have relatives in America?” asked Harry.

“Monty said Effie… your grandmother knew of Potters because one helped found the Auror office of MACUSA. There’s apparently a huge sculpture, and Potter’s a big bloke. Monty… wasn’t.

“Nobbly knees, sticky out ears, round face, glasses, and untamable Potter hair?” explained Harry. “I think I saw him in the Mirror of Erised once.”

“That’s Monty,” said Sirius “I miss the old bugger. Used to threaten to horsewhip me about once a week. Unlike my parents, he was just letting off steam.”

“Sirius?” asked Hermione “So you … were staying for years with the Potters, and annoyed Harry’s grandfather.”

“Well, I was a rowdy teenager, and James and I didn’t exactly moderate one another.” admitted Sirius “That was Remus’s job, and over summer… things could get a bit messy. Though I did at least wipe off all the lipstick before arriving to dinner.”

“Whose lipstick?” asked Harry.

“Marlene’s,” said Sirius, “She died in the first war. Her whole family.”

Sirius looked thoughtful. “It’s been a long time” he said and sighed, checking the time. “Well, time for you two to got back to Molly’s house, and Daphne to go home.”

“What’s for dinner” asked Harry.

“Indian?” asked Sirius “I was thinking chicken tikka masala”

“Can’t we get some thai noodles?” asked Harry.

“You two are just getting takeaway for dinner?” asked Hermione. Harry shrugged.

“Doesn’t the elf cook?” asked Daphne.

“He can’t be trusted” explained Sirius “He’s gone a bit mad.”

“Oh for Hecates sake,” said Daphne, and she called out “Kreacher!”

The old house elf appeared with a pop “Mistress?” he croaked.

“Cook those two proper meals. No poison, no dead insects. Respectable meals.” said Daphne.

Kreacher grumbled under his breath.

“Kreacher?” said Daphne politely “I didn’t hear you say, Yes, mistress, I’ll ensure they get proper meals from now on”

“But I Like takeaway” complained Harry.

“Proper meals” said Daphne. “Honestly, you call yourself a house-elf.”

Kreacher made a face “Don’t want to” he croaked.

“And there you have it!” said Daphne triumphantly “Proof that house-elves can be complete nuisances. My Great aunt has one like this.”

“So he’s not cooking for them?” asked Ron.

“Nope” said Daphne simply “He just doesn’t want to.”

“If they Order him to though?” asked Hermione.

“He’ll sabotage it. House elves are like most magical creatures, quite tricky.” said Daphne.

“And that’s why we get takeout” said Sirius, waving his hands dismissively.

“Get someone in to cook” said Daphne. “A human, they’re not going to have any trouble with a bad-tempered house elf.”

“What was the point of this?” asked Hermione.

“Proving that House-elves are not slaves, Granger” said Daphne “your brochures were dissected at length in Slytherin. House-elves can get very strange. They’re not naturally like this, but, nobody will say what they’re made from.”

“Made from?” asked Hermione, eyes large.

“Oh they’re made, they sort-of breed but… they’re not naturally occurring” said Daphne. “I think the most popular theory is that they’re spirits of place or brownies, but bound to physical forms.”

“Modified… brownies?” asked Hermione.

“Brownies in homunculuses?” said Daphne uncertainly. “They can make more, but it’s not… breeding in the normal sense.”

Hermione’s mouth fell open. “So… Dobby… was a weirdo?”

“Dobby was my friend, Hermione, and he died to save us from Malfoy Manor.” said Harry sharply.

“Poor little bugger,” said Ron.

“Dobby is dead?” asked Kreacher in a croak “The insane one is dead?”

“Dobby was killed by a dagger thrown by Bellatrix LeStrange” said Harry “Which would have killed one of us. Probably me.”

“Pity” croaked Kreacher.

“House-elves, such loyal, obedient slaves” said Daphne sarcastically.

“Hey Kreacher, don’t forget that we did destroy the locket Regulus gave you” said Harry “Pity really, we could have skipped that and had it back undamaged,” with that, he unbuttoned his shirt and rummaged in his mokeskin pouch, taking out the broken locket “Here Kreacher, the Locket, destroyed.” said Harry.

Kreacher took the locket from Harry’s hands and held it, crying “Filthy half-blood gave back masters cursed locket, And it’s dead. Masters order is complete.” Kreacher folded up and sat crying.

“That’s odd” said Sirius. “What’s that all about?”

“Not with my dear fiancee here,” said Harry, “A dark secret.”

Daphne leaned over and whispered in Harry’s ear. Harry winced.

“On second thought,” said Harry, “It was a thing stolen by Voldemort, and enchanted to help keep him alive. We had to destroy it. Regulus took it from it’s hiding place, and died getting it out, and Kreacher was given it to destroy. It’s not his fault he couldn’t. They’re only affected by four things, and one’s nearly impossible, which leaves fiendfyre, basilisk venom and a killing curse. And the locket was originally Salazar Slytherins’, so when it’s closed it’s nearly indestructible. And you need to be a parselmouth to open it. So… poor old Kreacher never stood a chance.”

“Harry, what did Daphne say to you?” asked Hermione.

“That’s a very personal question, Hermione. Let’s say she does, after all have a lot to control me with.” said Harry, and Daphne smiled briefly.

Sirius coughed something that might have been “got him by the balls.”

Kreacher stopped crying, stood up and vanished with a pop.

“So, Indian?” asked Sirius.

Ron and Hermione went downstairs to take the Floo and Daphne pulled Harry into the china pantry,

and cast a privacy spell.

“We need to work on our fake back-story” she said “When did we first meet?”

“Train to Hogwarts?” asked Harry “There was a bit before Ron came into my compartment.”

“Fine” said Daphne, taking out a notebook, and making notes.

“How much back-story are we going to have?” asked Harry. “The next real opportunity… the week before third year, I ran away from home and stayed at the Leaky. I roamed Diagon Alley.”

“A summer romance” said Daphne.

“A Romance?” asked Harry, crossing his arms.

“If you want snogging this week, it was a summer romance” said Daphne.

“Fine” said Harry, looking at the wall “There’s a bit of fourth year, before Hermione stopped ignoring me, after the Goblet of fire, Ron stayed off me till after the dragon”

“We had a few late night talks then” said Daphne. “And fifth year?”

“I was never alone” admitted Harry “Except for detentions with Umbridge” Harry held out his hand , tilted it till the scars were visible. ‘I will not tell lies.’

“She left her mark on you” said Daphne “If I ever see her, I will hex her.”

“You care?” asked Harry, confused.

“I’m building a back-story here” said Daphne. “And I don’t like people getting hurt.”

“It’s not that you’ve fancied me for ever,” asked Harry, with a crooked smile.

“Don’t get a swelled head” said Daphne quickly.

“Oh you give me a swelled head all right” said Harry quietly.

“No,” said Daphne urgently, “Your godfather is in the next room.”

“Why’d you come over anyway?” asked Harry.

“To work on the back story,” said Daphne “Which is why I have my notebook”

“And the dress?” asked Harry.

“If you were Very good, I’d show you what’s under it” said Daphne, with a smug smile.

“What is under it?” asked Harry.

“You haven’t been very good” said Daphne. “And your godfather. We need a believable back-story”

“Right” said Harry “So… a few moments stolen from detentions.” he suggested.

“Sounds quite romantic, comforting the injured hero” said Daphne, with a slight smile.

“Sixth year I dated Ginny” said Harry bluntly.

“We broke up by the end of fifth year” said Daphne “You wanted to do brave things and I did not.”

“Oh” said Harry “It was quite the romance till then.” he said, sounding disappointed.

“And in sixth year you dated Weasley”

“The back half of the year only” said Harry “She dated...”

“Thomas and Corner” said Daphne. “Now… seventh year?”

“I never saw you, clearly.” said Harry.

“And I listened to Potterwatch and realised you really were the chosen one.” said Daphne simply. “When I saw you, injured and starved as I treated you , I realised I’d been wrong, and apologised.”

“And I realised you were the woman for me” said Harry. Daphne nodded politely. “I did warn you about Weasley’s infection. She should be cured… but she may have got re-infected.”

“Ew” said Harry, grimacing. “Close call there.”

“Now” said Daphne, writing things down in her notebook “We need to be careful about your … friends. You never mentioned me to them.” said Daphne.

“Never” replied Harry “And Hermione, Ron and Sirius know about the deal.”

“So we slowly let slip pieces of our back-story to them” said Daphne “And everyone else gets the same story, but with no secret deal, and a romantic nurse meets hero rapprochement.”

“Rapprochement?” asked Harry.

“We get back together” said Daphne, frowning.

“Make sure nobody sees the notes, and I’ll try to get it right” said Harry.

“Ah, that’s the brilliant bit about my plan” said Daphne, copying out the back-story, then casting a spell on it that made the words fade off the page. She took her wand and said “Now, you need to put a drop of blood on the page.”

“You’re blood locking the words?” asked Harry “Clever.”

“You Know about blood locks?” asked Daphne “You’ve got hidden depths”

“Voldemort used them on secret doors” admitted Harry.

“Ew” said Daphne “Gross.” Harry offered his thumb and Daphne tapped it with her wand, a drop of blood welling up “Squish it on” said Daphne ,and Harry left a bloody thumbprint on the page, which Daphne hit with another spell, erasing the thumbprint. Harry cast a healing spell clumsily on his thumb.

“You’ve learnt it, good.” said Daphne. “Now… touch the paper where your thumbprint was”

Harry did, and the words re-appeared.

“Carrying around a blank notebook page is going to be a bit obvious” said Harry.

“Ah” said Daphne “Watch this!” she said, and picked up her quill and wrote a list on the page.

‘Pick a date,

Robes for Harry to coordinate with mine,

Decide on bridesmaids robes,

Flowers,

Table decorations,

Grooms robes.

Groomsmens list,

(Daphne’s bridesmaids list),

Music.

Decide venue.

Harry’s house?

Daphne’s parents house?

Somewhere else?

Vows.

Guest list. Not Pansy.

Honeymoon destination?

‘

“See it’s the wedding planing list” said Daphne. “You’ve got a million reasons to look at it often.”

“That” said Harry, scratching the hair on the back of his head “Is genius.”

Daphne repeated the exercise on the second copy, blood-locking it to herself, and writing out the planning list.

“We should” said Harry “Pick a term holiday. Makes it easier.”

“Yule is too early.” said Daphne. “And it’s cold.”

“Um” said Harry “Sirius has an island in the Caribbean?”

“An island in the Caribbean?” asked Daphne incredulously “I knew the Blacks were rich...”

“It” said Harry awkwardly “doesn’t have anything except a hut.”

Daphne cancelled the privacy spells and took the list in hand, to Sirius who was sitting, feet on the table whistling.

“Ah you’re back” said Sirius “And not snogged. How restrained.”

“Sirius?” asked Harry “Could we use the Caribbean island for our honeymoon?”

Sirius shook his head “It rains a lot in December. It’s ghastly weather.”

“Yule is out then” said Daphne “How about spring?”

“May is nice and the storms don’t start till June” said Sirius.

“Easter” said Daphne. “We could have some old-fashioned bits as a sop to the really traditional.”

Sirius sat up abruptly “Old-fashioned?” he said “People will think you’re already up the duff.”

“Huh?” asked Harry.

“Easter’s originally a fertility festival” said Sirius “So either you two are already expecting, or want a huge family.” Harry started to blush.

“We’ll negotiate that later” said Daphne firmly. “For all I know, I’ll hate being pregnant.”

Harry nodded hastily “You’re the one doing that.” he added nervously “It’s your decision.”

Daphne stared at Sirius “He’s actually quite a decent boyfriend. But, I knew that from summer before fourth year.”

Harry nodded.

“You what?” asked Sirius, eyes narrowed “You… oh, are you up to something?”

“We actually met… before that” said Harry awkwardly “But um… I did spend a week in Diagon Alley before the start of fourth year, and um… met Daphne and stuff.”

“And Stuff?” asked Sirius.

“He was a quite good kisser” said Daphne, with a tiny smile. Harry went red in the face.

“Oh my” said Sirius blandly “You two have known each other for a while?”

“Broke up end of fifth year” admitted Harry, looking at the floor.

“SO… you knew to be in the room, the whole blackmail thing...” asked Sirius, brows furrowed.

“Is sort of true” lied Daphne. “This time, I accept he does heroic things, but I’m still going to talk him out of being an Auror.”

“Talk him out of it” said Sirius nodding “You two go and … Daphne can work on talking you out of things. While Harry talks her out of her clothes, no doubt.”

Harry shook his head “Um no. Best she go home.” he muttered.

“What?” asked Sirius “What the hell have you done?”

“I haven’t changed the sheets yet” said Harry in a strangled tone.

“You slob!” said Daphne sharply. “I’m going home to wash my hair”, and she strode off.

Sirius waited till the downstairs stairwell door banged before saying “Harry… two things. Always use precautions, and always change the bloody sheets immediately afterwards.”

“I get it,” said Harry.

“You don’t get it,” said Sirius “You two… before?”

“I had a room at the Leaky Cauldron, Sirius. You do the math,” said Harry.

“And to think I thought you were just a moody little git.” said Sirius fondly “You had a titanic case of blue balls. Wow. I’ll have to think of something good for a wedding present.”

“A house?” asked Harry, with a small grin.

“We’ve got a bunch that old relatives used to have.” said Sirius thoughtfully. “Where is the question.”

“Somewhere nice?” asked Harry. “Out of the way but nice.”

“Hmm” said Sirius “Grandmama’s summer château. It’s in the Dordogyne.” Harry looked at Sirius blankly. “In France, you ignorant hick” said Sirius.

“If it’s nice,” said Harry. “Is it all black and ravens and stuff?”

“Grandmama was a MacMillan, all I remember was it was very French and stank of Lavender.” said Sirius.

Chapter 6: Fittings.

Chapter Text

Sirius received a letter saying that fittings were required at Twilfitt and Tattings, and Harry floo-called the Burrow to arrange that part. It was, he reflected, only slightly worse than a telephone.

“Now get on the floo to your fiancee and get her to go over for fittings too” said Sirius.

Harry nervously floo-called Greengrass Estate, to find his head seemingly in a wood-panelled parlour, painted pale green and white, with purple and cream striped couches.

A young woman walked over and looked into the fire, her chestnut hair in a ponytail.

“Merlin’s beard” she exclaimed. “Its Harry Potter. I’m Astoria. Daphne’s sister.” she said excitedly.

“Daphne, if you could?” asked Harry. “It’s about the robes”

Astoria stared at Harry “You really are dating my sister?” she asked, looking surprised.

“Engaged to” said Harry “We’ve known each other for years, on the quiet.”

“No way” exclaimed Astoria “So those quidditch jerseys?”

Harry nodded.

“I’ll go get her.” said Astoria, spun and ran off excitedly yelling “Daphne! It’s Harry Potter!”

Daphne arrived a bit later and knelt by the fire “You met my sister” she said politely.

“The robes at Twilfitt and Tatting are ready for fitting” said Harry politely.

“Is the other matter under control?”

“Yes” said Harry “When...”

“I’ll come for morning tea” said Daphne “I expect you to know what you’re doing” she said and stood.

Harry pulled his head out and the fireplace went back to orange flames. She expected him to know what he was doing.

Harry found Sirius directing cleaners.

“Sirius, can I have a word” asked Harry.

Sirius went into the nearby bedroom and gestured Harry in, then cast a privacy spell.

“What?”

“Do you have a book on… snogging. I’m supposed to know what I’m doing. Daphne has… mentioned it.”

Sirius shook his head “This is far too much like being a proper parent. I remember you being a tiny baby, and now you want a book on… well.” he said. “In the Library, it’s called Matrimonial Matters.” he added.

“Thanks” said Harry and ran off, to the Library, where a quick summoning charm dropped the book into his hand and left a hole in the books on a low shelf in the darkest corner. Harry, went and looked at the adjacent books. A directory of Covent Garden ‘Flower girls’, an illustrated index of the brothels of Istanbul, and something behind the books. Harry pulled out a lot, dropping “Motherhood” on the floor. There was a brown book with no title on the cover wedged in the back of the bookshelf. Harry pulled it out. The spine had no title either. Harry opened the book and the frontispiece was odd. “Magics by A Lady.” Harry dipped into the book, and his eyes boggled. It was an entire book of … sex magic. Well, magics for sex. Harry took that and Matrimonial matters to his room, locked the door, sat on his bed and started studying.

An hour later, he felt quite humbled. Daphne had been a really good sport about it. There were clearly a lot of things Harry could have done. Should have done.

Magics by a Lady, Harry dipped into again, and was left wondering, why would anyone want to do that? And having ambiguous feelings about cucumbers.

Someone, probably Sirius knocked on Harry’s door “Oy, get your hand off it” said Sirius loudly “We’re going to get fitted.”

Harry put the books down, and got off his bed, called Kreacher “Kreacher, change the sheets.” he ordered, and opened the door, Sirius was standing looking pointedly at his watch.

“What?” asked Sirius.

“Just got Kreacher to change the sheets” said Harry.

“Harry” said Sirius “I remember you being a bump in your mother. You’re making me feel old”

Daphne was Twilfitt and Tattings a little bit after them, in that tartan robe again.

“Well I never young lady. The things some witches wear under their robes!” said the attendant loudly from behind the changing screen. Harry’s pants somehow shrank several sizes.

Daphne looked unmoved by that comment when she reappeared, with a large dress-bag.

Harry, Sirius and Daphne took the floo back to Grimmald from Twilfitt and Tattings.

“I’ve got to go wrangle the bloody decorators” said Sirius and he strode off.

Daphne stood in the kitchen with Harry and played with her robe buttons “Harry” she said “I’ve got something I’d like to do for you...as a surprise” she said, and unbuttoned her Tartan robe-front. Harry swallowed, and Daphne pulled open her robe, revealing… a floral dress and a frilly floral pinafore “I’m going top make you some biscuits” she said, pulling the robe off, and pulling some small packets from the clearly space-expanded pinafore.

“Kreacher!” she called, and the old elf appeared “The oven to baking temperature please. I’m making Harry some biscuits.”

She had, apparently brought a heart-shaped biscuit cutter, and laid out a whole sheet of pale hearts, then put them in the oven, and started making icing.

“Chocolate and Raspberry” she explained “The biscuits are vanilla, so they go with both.” she looked intently at Harry “I hope you’ll like them.”

“It’s just” said Harry “A bit of a surprise.”

“Well, it’s not like I can’t cook. I just mostly do biscuits and desserts.” said Daphne “Our elf cooks.” she said pointedly.

The biscuits needed to cool.

“While the biscuits cool” said Daphne “Your room, to discuss matters?”

Harry nodded and Daphne disapparated with a crack.

Harry apparated to his room and Daphne was examining the books piled in his bedside table

She put ‘Matrimonial matters’ to one side and opened the anonymous book with a frown, and flicked through it. She blushed “Oh my” she said “Did Sirius give you this?”

“It was hidden behind all the matrimonial and related books” said Harry “I think he might not know about it.”

Daphne put the book down and undid her pinafore, and put it carefully over the desk chair, and unexpectedly hugged Harry “Oh you are very lucky!” she said “That book looks really dirty. I mean, old.” Harry went for a kiss, and Daphne kissed back. Not forcefully, but enough so Harry knew she approved of kissing right now.

Harry kissed her again, more enthusiastically and held her by her… quite nice bum.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asked Daphne.

“Well the biscuits need to cool” said Harry “I was thinking?”

Daphne stepped back “I’m not the sort of girl who does… quickies” she said and quietly pointed to the door. Harry cast some privacy charms and Daphne nodded, then sat on the bed and patted beside her.

Harry sat down and kissed her again. This time, arms around her waist. Daphne had a smile on her face “That’s very nice” she said.

“I was wondering?” asked Harry “If I could lick you off? I should have on Wednesday. Sorry, I did some reading.”

“Well” said Daphne, “While that’s certainly an abrupt offer. I accept.” she said and pulled up her dress, and wriggled out of her knickers, and clambered into the bed, pulled up her dress and spread her knees “Get licking” she said, her womanhood bared to Harry.

Harry knelt on the bed and started… or tried to.

“Not like that” said Daphne, and pointed “There. Right There.”

Harry had hands in his hear and Daphne made little humms of encouragement. Hours later, his neck was sore, his tongue strained and Daphne was wriggling under his solicitations.

“I’m a bit tired honestly” said Harry, leaning back.

“Well, that’s very good for a first attempt” said Daphne huskily “I suppose you’re all tense?”

“I would like a shag, of you’re offering?” asked Harry.

“I suppose I could… fit you in” said Daphne, rolling off the bed and undoing a button on the back of the dress collar.

Harry stripped hastily.

“Oh… you’re all ready” said Daphne, pulling off her dress, revealing a green bra which she undid and then she nakedly bent over Harry’s bed and pulled the covers down. Harry decided to stand behind her and press himself into her bum, and Daphne wiggled “Later” she said, and got on the bed, and spread her legs “It’s an oldie but… missionary” she said “climb on.”

After a bit of awkward fiddling, Harry slid into Daphne’s warmth. “Oh” said Daphne “That is nice.”

Harry decided to kiss Daphne as he slowly pumped into her and she responded by grabbing his hair, kissing him firmly and holding his back with one hand. Harry didn’t last very long.

Daphne used the bathroom.

“Your towels are terrible” she said, as she came back into his room.

Harry had to ice his own biscuits.

--==0==--

Chapter 7: Chapter Seven: Hermione Granger and the charmed umbrellas.

Chapter Text

Hermione had popped by to borrow some money, and Sirius had retaliated to that request by handing over three times what she’d spent last year, in a mixture of galleons and pounds.

She had left with a thoughtful look on her face.

The next day, the first post-war funeral came and Hermione stepped out of the floo at Grimmauld place in a very stuffy looking black funeral robe and hat, with a black veil, clutching a clump of large black umbrellas.

Harry, who was leaning against the kitchen table in a stuffy funeral robe that was as comfortable as well-worn in pyjamas stood up properly “What’ve you got Hermione?” he asked, as Ron, looking pale and imperious, stepped out of the fireplace “Blimey” said Ron, spoiling the effect “These are comfy for all that we look like nobs”

At the centre of Harry’s collar, a silvery deathly Hallows symbol glittered, holding the two sides together.

“I brought umbrellas.” said Hermione “Rain at funerals is quite traditional, and I wouldn’t put it past some people to arrange rain.”

“We’ll look right berks if it’s not raining” said Ron.

“And they’re charmed impervious, unbreakable and have shield runes to stop most spells” added Hermione, nose high. Combined with the robes, the net effect was … disturbingly like a young Bellatrix LeStrange. Sirius gulped audibly, so Harry’s impression wasn’t singular.

“Hermione” said Sirius carefully “You’re sure your parents are muggles, aren't you?” he asked.

“Quite sure” said Hermione “Though, how does that work? I’ve got magic and they don't? It would make more sense if they were squibs. But they can’t see the Leaky Cauldron, so that seems ruled out...”

Harry’s ears, which were on the verge of revolt, at yet another Hermione theory, heard the fireplace change pitch and flared green again,and someone stepped out. Pointy shouldered dress with a high collar, pointy hat, black veil, and black gloves. Harry knew intellectually it was probably Daphne, but she looked… like someone from a Hogwarts painting, or one of the stuffier Black family paintings.

“Harry” said Daphne, breaking the building fear in his mind. “Mummy thinks the dress is over the top”

Harry stopped to admire the … Daphne shaped bulges in the dress. “It’s fine” he said “Serious but fine.”

“Andy would come but she’s got Teddy to look after” said Sirius “First is the Carrows, down at their family plot. I’ve got a portkey.”

“Carrows?” asked Ron “Why are we going to a death eaters funeral?” he asked.

“Flora and Hestia are in my sisters dorm, and the only remaining Carrows not incarcerated or gaga” said Daphne. “Their uncle… Rasmus is in Azkaban for forgery.”

“Forgery?” asked Hermione.

“Forging ministry forms, permits and licenses” said Daphne “They object to that.”

The Portkey was, as usual, an old boot.

Harry appeared with his group into the teeth of a cold wind on a stony moor, green-yellow moss, dry stone walls. Tumbledown tombstones, and two Carrow twins in heavy cloaks, bracketing a taller old lady, all three looking pale and pinched.

Percy Weasley stood, looking awkward in a plain black robe and cloak, and a short, hooded wizard, holding a large book.

“That’s the clergyman” said Sirius redundantly.

“There nobody here” whispered Hermione, as they walked over to the Carrows. The twins nodded.

“Daphne” they said “And them” one continued.

“Misses Carrow” said Sirius smoothly “The Blacks, and friends are here to pay their respects.”

Harry got elbowed by Daphne and remembered the words “The Potters and Peverells offer you our condolences.”

The Twins froze like deer caught in wand-light “The Peverells?” one asked.

Harry nodded “I’m the last Peverell, and I’m sorry for the state of things.”

“Tori would come” said Daphne politely “But she can’t be out in the cold.”

“Why’s James Potter here” said the old witch.

“Harry Potter-Black maam” said Harry politely. “James’s son, and the slayer of Voldemort.”

The old lady shook her head and muttered something about ‘fancy dress parties.’

“We are gathered here for the interment of Amycus Carrow, Electrow Carrow, Theosophanes Carrow and Dorothea Carrow nee Rowle” said the short wizard ...the service was very short, and Percy levitated the four black wrapped bodies into holes, and filled in the dirt, standing up four identical tombstones. The first one read ‘Aymcus Carrow 1955-1998 Died in the service of genocidal criminal.’ and the rest were worded similarly.

“They’re ministry issue” said one of the Carrow twins “And frankly, we can’t afford tombstones, and wouldn’t spend money on them if we had any.” The other twin nodded.

Sirius walked over and shook the hand of the first Carrow twin, leaving something in her hand, and repeated the process, and the twins pocketed the small bags.

“What was that?” Harry whispered to Daphne “I’ve not got anything?”

“Sirius seems to have given them small bags of probably galleons. It’s a traditional gift for bereaved paupers you’re related to.” said Daphne “I’ve got a bag for them both, don’t worry.”

Daphne and Harry walked over, side by side and shook the Carrows cold hands. Daphne slipping over two small black bags. The old lady was looking around “Why are we in England” she asked.

Daphne spoke up “My fiancee and I wish you all the best in the coming school year, Misses Carrow, and my sister, of course, wishes you both all the best. She has a message for you.”

At that Daphne paused “Help, my bloody sister won’t let me come” said Daphne, and tilted her head “Do please floo over as soon as you can, and keep her company.” said Daphne with a polite smile.

Harry nodded “It’s hard” he said.

“Oh we don’t miss mummy and daddy or Auntie and uncle” said one Carrow “But they did give him all our money, so we’re a bit broke.”

Hermione and Ron , Ron dragged by Hermione came over and Hermione shook the Carrows hands, and the Carrows were a clearly puzzled. The old witch finally asking “What’s Roxanne Bathory doing here with James Potter? And where’s Monty and that Woman?”

“We’re attending every funeral we can” said Harry, trying to explain “Unity, not wars.”

Daphne shook her head and muttered “Harry, shush.”

Percy handed Sirius an old boot, and took the preacher and apparated away.

“Everyone, next funeral” said Sirius loudly.

The Portkey took them away with a lurch and hideous spinning colours,

They appeared, in a smear of light and a bump, in a church cemetery, the church was small and slate-roofed, the cemetery was old, and it was raining. Harry opened the umbrella, and it covered Harry and Daphne with no difficulty at all. Sirius was standing under his huge umbrella, and Ron got up the last one, Hermione standing beside him. Other witches and wizards were getting wet, and a few had the rain simply shying away from them, but Harry appreciated the larger dry area.

There was a single muddy hole, and one black bundle this time.

Marcus Flint’s father Andreus Flint apparently, and Marcus stood, soggy and tall, handcuffed to an Auror, who looked merely soggy.

Sirius walked over and shook Marcus’s hand, murmuring something.

“The Flints and Blacks are related” said Daphne quietly.

“Was Marcus a death eater?” asked Harry.

“Suspected at least” said Daphne.

Andreus Flint’s tombstone was less rude, saying he “Died supporting the so-called Lord Voldemort.”

Harry looked at the stone and beaconed Sirius over “Says Lord Voldemort, but his real name was Tom Marvolo Riddle, and he was a half-blood, Muggle father.” said Harry.

Sirius laizly drew his wand and graffiti’ed the tombstone with some slick transfiguration.

“Died supporting Tom Marvolo Riddle, half-blood criminal” Sirius looked around “Just correcting the error” he said with a false smile.

“That’s really rude” said Daphne without moving her face.

“He was” said Harry softly “And a relative of mine through the Peverells.”

Percy gave Sirius another boot and he came over and tapped Harry with his wand, the robes shifting into a black suit, and within a few more moments, the men were all in black suits, and Sirius had transfigured Daphne and Hermiones’ hats into lower, more muggle-safe hats.

“Next one’s muggle. Some Creevy bloke?” said Sirius.

“Colin” said Hermione, biting her lip.

After three weeks, the funerals were all a blur of black clothes, handshakes and platitudes.

And a lot of rain, which the umbrellas stopped.

Harry couldn’t help remembering Colin’s funeral. His parents, so confused, Dennis, not even old enough to shave, and Colin’s plain little coffin in the small church.

Sirius transfiguring his coffin into a grand, black monstrosity decorated with Gryphons and Lions.

And his Ministry issue tombstone. “Colin Creevy 1983-1998 Loved Son and brother, A hero.”

The last funeral was for Lavender. She’d died in St Mungo’s from the bites Greyback gave her.

The turnout was… the whole DA, all of Gryffindor, Sirius and Harry and Daphne, and Lavender’s parents, who were, Harry realised, by their robes, old-school Purebloods.

Sirius gave a curt bow to them, no hand-shake , saying “The house of Black express their regrets at your tragic loss” and Daphne elbowed Harry.

Harry walked over and looked at the two, upset looking parents, both in robes but not looking all stuck-up. Her mum had dark hair, her father light, Harry realised. He’d imagined Lavender’s mum as being a grown-up Lavender. “The house… Peverell expresses it deep regret at your loss” said Harry “And I’m very sorry” said Harry “I’m sorry I didn’t get him earlier, that I made mistakes.”

Daphne elbowed Harry “And this is my fiancee, Daphne Greengrass.”

“And the house of Greengrass express their regrets at your loss” said Daphne.

“Thank you dear” said Mrs Brown.

“Lavender did say you had a secret love” said Mr Brown “She was so gifted at divination.”

Chapter 8: Back to Normality

Chapter Text

Harry got a letter from Hogwarts. It was utterly totally boringly normal. Harry copied it with a gemino curse, and had it framed. Sirius framed it by transfiguring an old painting from the attic.

Harry went crafts-crazy that night, and framed many of his pictures, and hung them over the dirty pictures Sirius had put up. The effect was… to make the room look like a room Harry had imagined. One that was HIS, with his things. And not covered in dirty pictures.

Unfortunately he was also summonsed to the wizengamot to give testimony.

The Malfoys , with Harry’s honest testimony, got Azkaban, Mrs Malfoy for a year, Mr Malfoy for life. As Kingsley had hinted, Draco got off with massive fines, house arrest, and parole. Any sort of conviction and he would go to Azkaban for two years. For breaching parole more than the crime.

Harry left the wizengamot with the vague feeling that all was not well. Maybe he just hated courtroom ten.

Shopping for Hogwarts was weird.

The crowds pressing around Harry just wanting to touch him, thank him.

Hermione, Ron and Ginny had come along with Mrs Weasley and she started to get red-faced.

“Honestly” she said “These people are being just annoying.”

Hermione had a pensive look on her face. A plan was clearly fomenting.

Mrs Weasley decided to use a Sonourus charm

“Harry needs to do his school shopping. Clear off and let him get on with it” boomed her voice over the crowed.

“And If you don’t you’ll feel my wand!” she boomed.

Ron went red- faced. Harry felt his pain.

Someone pressed closer, and true to her word, Mrs Weasley went flick, snap and the approaching wizard shot across the alley and stuck to the wall. The crowds retreated a little.

“Banishing and sticking charms?” asked Hermione “I put a fully body bind on mine” she said enthusiastically and Ron’s face scrunched in on itself, like he was trying to disappear.

Harry imagined Ron’s inner monologue… ‘Bloody hell, she’s comparing hexes with mum.’

A few more flicks of wand by Hermione and Mrs Weasely and the crowds retreated.

A bit later Tonks, in Red Auror’s uniform strolled over to them as they looked for potions ingredients.

“Molly, Hermione” she said casually “I hear you might have stuck a few people to the wall, just to get them out of the way?” asked Tonks, really casually.
“Yes dear” said Mrs Weasley, politely her wand still in her hand.

“Well, they complained” said Tonks “So officially you’re warned. Only my boss Kingsley also said to make sure nobody annoys Harry… so I’m tagging along.” Mrs Weasley nodded and Hermione smiled weakly.

Ron exclaimed “Hey these beetle-eyes are three sickles a scoop. That’s daylight robbery!”

“Prices are up from the war” said Tonks blandly, tapping her wand on her upper arm, her fingerless gloves looking… a bit more military than punk-rock now she was in uniform.

The Defence Textbook looked vaguely familiar. Like they’d been ones the seventh years had used before.

“Who’s the defence teacher?” asked Harry.

“My Husband” said Tonks “At least his students get NEWTs.”

“Oh Nymphadora, how will you cope, with Teddy, and Remus at Hogwarts?” asked Mrs Weasley fussily.

“With a suite at Hogwarts Molly. And let me remind you not to use my first name” said Tonks “I don’t want to have to duel you.”

Mrs Weasley laughed nervously. “Oh dearie, you have such a sense of humour”

“My husband doesn’t call me that,” said Tonks firmly, “Sirius does, but he’s head of the family, and mysteriously reappeared just before the battle of Hogwarts, after falling through the veil of death.”

“Very Mysteriously,” said Ron, “Best not to ask.”

“I heard,” said Tonks casually, as Harry paid for three whole new potions kits, and shrank them to carry.

“I also heard my little cousin Harry got engaged to a Slytherin Heiress?” asked Tonks.

“We’ve known each other for years, on the quiet” said Harry “Like your mum really.”

Tonks face darkened, her hair going dark red “Quite. Shame my dad was murdered” she said bitterly. “He’s not coming home.”

“Sorry Tonks,” said Harry “But you know, I went to every funeral after the war. You know what sticks in my mind?”

Tonks shook her head.

“My classmate Colin Creevy. He was a year behind me, a little muggleborn kid. He died fighting, with us, up on the battlements. He was only sixteen, and his parents had his little brother, Dennis, who’s fifteen, a ministry tombstone, and Colin, in a body bag. We all turned up, said our piece, they buried Colin. His dad’s a milkman. They all hid for a whole year, and Colin died trying to be a hero. Thats what the war means to me Tonks. A kid died trying to impress Harry f*cking Potter. And I can’t stop seeing him, dead his little brother holding him,in my nightmares. After a year on the run, doing all kinds of dumb sh*t to stop Voldemort, Voldie got co*cky, I found a weakness, and we all got so f*cking lucky, you should name your next kid Lucky. Bills and Fleurs girl is called Victoire.”

Tonks crossed her arms defensively “Lots to say, Mr chosen one?”

“I really don't recommend that” said Harry “Voldemort heard the prophecy, that’s why he killed my parents. Not because it was real, but because he believed it was. Same reason he kept trying to kill me.”

Tonks shook her head “You’re one messed up kid, Potter” she said.

“My fiancee says something like that” lied Harry. Daphne mostly said “Oh please…. More” or told him he was using the wrong fork. He’d begged off visit her house, meeting her parents again.

“He’s changed” said Tonks, shaking her head.

“He’s less angsty” said Ron unhelpfully “Even if he dumped my sister for his old girlfriend.”

“Old girlfriend?” asked Tonks, eyebrows furrowing.

“End of summer before third year” said Ron “Harry spent a week footloose and fancy free here in Daigon Alley. Snogged his first little girlfriend.”

“Always the quiet ones,” said Tonks, shaking her head “Hermione, you’re all right ?”

“Oh I’ve got a perfectly heroic wizard of my own thanks” said Hermione, with a wry smile. “He’s a little rough around the edges, but… he has big hands”

Tonks snorted, and Molly Weasley rolled her eyes. Harry blinked, had he really seen that?

Ginny was quiet, polite and utterly ignored Harry. Which would have hurt once, he thought. Now, it was just… an old pain. Like a basilisk scar on your arm, it only hurts when it’s cold outside.

All of the Burrow-dwellers apparated home once Harry had handed over potions kits, and Harry went home... home to Grimmauld place. He opened the front door, and the monotonous sound of hammering had stopped.

He closed the door behind him, and there in the distance was the sound of painting. The decorators weren’t finished, but many rooms were quite decent.

Harry’s replacement trunk repacked, he sat down on his bed , lay back and thought. Back to Hogwarts. Hard to believe really. The growth potions had finished, and he’d had another growth spurt, outgrowing his few pairs of trousers, which had necessitated a trip to Madame Malkins, and Daphne had come along, and overridden Harry’s choices. And she’d been quite insistent about tight black trousers. They were quite restrictive. Madam Malkin’s assistant had nodded and smiled a small smile. Harry had no idea what was so amusing.

Harry blinked and checked the clock. Nearly dinner time, he apparated down to the kitchen, where Sirius was sitting ,boots on the kitchen table, a carrier bag of takeaway next to him.

“You’re nearly late. You’d have got not cashews” Sirius observed.

“Prat” said Harry.

“Dick” said Sirius fondly. After takeaway, Sirius leaned the chair back on two legs and said “Time for a serious talk.”

“About what?” asked Harry.

“For gods sake don’t knock Daphne up this year” said Sirius “Not till After the wedding at least.”

Harry blushed, took a deep breath and rebutted “Potions and charms. Two charms, one potion.”

“And don’t get photographed doing things” added Sirius “The Prophet would love for you to look bad. That goes for fighting too. Especially at Hogsmeade. You’re an adult, that means Aurors, and cameras.”

“I’ll try not to” said Harry.

“You sound like your dad” said Sirius “I sound like your granddad. Your dad, well, seventh year, he got caught out a bit. With your mum. Who was head girl, so be discreet.”

“Once… once…. that’s done. We’ve got our own room” said Harry. “Very discreet”

“Given the number of times she came around this summer, it’s going to be a struggle. Try to not look like a hormonal teenager.” said Sirius “And try to make sure you… give as good as you get. It’s only fair.”

“Yeah” said Harry “We had this discussion already. It’s under control.”

“If this is being a parent… I’m not sure I want more kids” said Sirius.

“You need a witch first” said Harry snidely.

“I’m… finding my place in society” said Sirius.

“Well, how about a foreigner?” asked Harry “Every witch in America doesn't think you’re a resurrected murderer.”

“Hey.. they speak English too” said Sirius thoughtfully.

“And like British accents” said Harry.

“Er… American accents. Erk” said Sirius.

“Grandma’s was okay?” said Harry.

“True. Salem.” said Sirius thoughtfully. “I’ll get a portkey… book a hotel room.”

“And that way you won’t fret about me” said Harry glibly.

“Shut up kiddo” said Sirius.

Harry decided that night to swot up on certain… charms. Without a bed for months, he’d need more persuasive ammunition.

--==0==--

Sirius hugged him manfully on Platform nine and three quarters, and the train must have spat soot or something, because they both had tears in their eyes as they parted.

“Yule at the Greengrasses boy” reminded Sirius. Harry nodded. He’d stalled for four months. There was no more stalling to stall with.

Harry carried a weightless trunk into a Hogwarts Express compartment, and put it on the top rack, and sat down, the crunkle of brown paper in his coat pocket, reminding him of his corned beef sandwich. Something to eat, and safe from Ron.

He lay back and rested his eyes.

“Harry!” said Hermione, throwing her trunk onto the racking one-handed “Are you asleep?”

“I was just resting my eyes” said Harry, yawning. He’d not got to sleep till three.

“Where’s Greeny?” asked Ron, throwing his old trunk up onto the racking.

“I’ve no idea” said Harry “I’ll find her later.”

“Have you gone off her?” asked Hermione. Harry blinked, how to explain. He considered the truth: ‘Hermione I’m tired because I spent all night practising sex magic to butter Daphne up, so she’ll have sex without a bed?’ He didn’t think the truth was going to be well received.

“I was practising magic.” Harry said. It had the advantage of being mostly true.

“Oh what?” asked Hermione, and Harry kicked himself. “Show me”

Harry tried to strangle the urge to die of embarrassment. He was pretty sure he could cast a nipple-stimulation charm now, and a … not a nipple stimulation charm, but doubted Hermione would appreciate a demonstration. Well… not from Harry anyway. So he went with “Revising every charm from first year to sixth.”

Hermione blinked “Harry, that’s wonderful.” she said enthusiastically “I should have thought of that”

Ron shot him a look, something like a ‘What the hell are you doing, winding up Hermione’s study-o-matic already.’ Harry shrugged.

Someone came in, someone blonde, and Harry’s heart sped up, before he saw it was dirty blonde hair, and Luna sat down in the corner “Hello” she said pleasantly.

“Hi Luna” said Harry, and Hermione smiled, and Ron waved.

“How’s the house?” asked Harry. Sirius had sent builders to replace the wall. And the press.

“A bit boring really,” said Luna, “The rope ladders and bridges were more fun. But it’s warmer and not wet inside, so the new press runs better. Daddy says it’s boringly reliable. He’s a bit weird.” said Luna conspiratorially “He liked the orneriness of the old press.”

Neville went past, ducked in to say “Hannah’s three compartments down. See you en-route” and left.

“Harry” asked Luna “Where’s Daphne Greengrass, your fiancee and secret lover?”

Harry took a deep breath “Is that Luna my friend, or Luna Lovegood, ace reporter asking?” he asked.

“Luna the friend. you’re a bit rubbish at girls” said Luna bluntly. Ron snorted.

“I’ll look for her in a bit” said Harry, avoiding thinking about… her friends were in the Slytherin girls dorms and might include Pansy… and peripherally other Slytherins, like Pansy, for example.

Harry dozed off after the train started, to be woken by a vicious poke from Hermione.

Draco Malfoy stood in the compartment doorway looking awkward.

“Potter, what the hell are you doing napping? Here?” asked Malfoy.

“Eh?” asked half-awake Harry.

“Well brought up witches don’t come looking for their boyfriends. Greengrass is ensconced with the returning girls.” said Malfoy “Do you have a death wish?” Malfoy shook his head “Oh, and blah blah, my father will hear of this” said Malfoy, and left, shaking his head.

“Blah blah my father will hear of this” said Hermione “Did… Draco Malfoy just get meta on you?”

“If I knew what meta was, I could comment on that” said Harry.

“Oh merlin he’s such a Gryffindor” said Luna, lowering her upside down copy of the Quibbler.

“He’s being meta-textual. He would ordinarily say something like that on the way to Hogwarts, but as He, and he assumes you are finally beyond such silliness, he’s merely referencing it ironically.” said Luna, and Hermione nodded.

“Was… that a joke then?” asked Ron.

“A quite witty one, for a semi-reformed death-eater” said Luna. “I have a horrible feeling that Draco Malfoy is cleverer that Harry Potter.”

“Trust me,” said Hermione, “I’ve seen their grades. It’s true.”

“Hermione,” asked Harry “Why aren’t you a prefect, or head girl?”

“Because” said Hermione evenly “I turned both down. Some seventh year can do it, I’ve got to get back into the swing of things and get NEWTs. And after your little joke, there was no way I going to be head girl.”

“Study buddies?” asked Luna.

“Study buddies” said Hermione, with a nod.

“Harry” said Ron slowly “not that I’m saying Malfoy was right, or anything. But… maybe, you should go find Greeny.”

Harry stood up and put his bagged sandwich on his seat “It’s corned beef” said Harry, taking out the chocolate and replacing it.

“In case of Dementors,” said Hermione.

“Well, actually to give to Daphne” said Harry. “It’s either her favourite flavour, or she’s been engaging in an elaborate disinformation campaign.”

Ron’s mouth dropped open. “He’s extra sarcastic” Ron observed.

“He’s trying to be competitive with Malfoy” observed Hermione snidely.

Harry left, and headed up-train. The Slytherins tended to sit in the front several carriages.

Many students got up to speak to Harry, and he quietly locking-charmed the doors to buy time.

Carriage two, compartment two had a group of familiar looking Slytherin girls, and particularly a blonde.

Harry knocked on the door. Heads turned. Daphne tilted her head slightly, as if to say ‘Took your time.’

Harry opened the door and put on his best smile.

“You’re late” said Tracey. “Poor Daphne’s been sitting with only her friends for company.” Harry hadn’t really talked to Tracey, but she seemed a bit… pushy.

“I fell asleep, sorry” said Harry. “I was up all night studying.”

“Term hasn’t started” said Tracey, while Daphne just looked quietly at Harry.

“For the exam in Easter” said Harry as casually as he could, and Daphne’s eyes widened, and she suppressed a smile.

“Quite” said Daphne. Tracey’s brow was furrowed, then her face relaxed and she blushed “Oh my god” she said, staring at Harry “Harry Potter made a dirty joke.”

“It’s no joke” said Harry “It’s important that Daphne get at least six O’s.”

Daphne’s neck went red, and she hid her face “Prat” she said.

“Oy” said Tracey “That’s sexual harassment. Don’t.”

“Trace, down” said Daphne softly.

“So Harry Potter can make jokes about… stuff” said Tracey.

“Harry Potter-Black who I’m marrying at Easter, yes” said Daphne.

“Um… Hi Tracey, and Lily and Millicent” said Harry awkwardly. “Is Pansy here this year?”

“Next compartment” said Millie.

“That’s actually quite brave of her” said Harry sincerely. The girls all looked at Harry, brows up, eyes narrowed.

“I bring a gift” said Harry, taking out the chocolate bar from his coat pocket.

“That’s a gift?” asked Lily Moon, whose black hair was tied back, making her… well, moon-like pale face look, well… like a baked potato.

Daphne held out a hand, and Harry walked across the compartment, knelt and put the chocolate bar in her palm.

Daphne examined the bar “Adequate” she said. Harry smiled “We good?” he asked.

“No, you didn’t come to seem me on time” said Daphne.

“Well… I’m sorry. I really did fall asleep” said Harry, still kneeling.

“You can’t buy forgiveness with chocolate” said Daphne. Harry nodded.

“How about a back rub?” asked Harry. Lily boggled and Tracey went red in the face.

“No” said Daphne.

“Well, I could try antique jewellery?” asked Harry, reaching into his other coat packet and taking out a miniature box covered in blue velvet , which he put on the centre table, and tapped carefully with his wand. It expanded into a book-sized box, and Harry picked it up and offered it to Daphne, opening it towards her. Tracey craned her head over to see.

“Blimey” said Tracey, at the large diamond necklace.

Daphne instead of being impressed, drew her wand and cast a finite in the necklace, which expanded, turning into a necklace made of wine-gums in the shape of gems.

“New product,” admitted Harry, “Drinky Diamonds. The white ones are champagne, the yellow ones cognac, the green ones are absinthe.”

“These are alcoholic?” asked Tracey, Daphne’s wand still in her hand.

“They expand in your mouth to jelly-slug sized gummy shots” said Harry. “Thought you witches might want a few night-time snacks.”

“From Mr Weasley, I assume?” asked Daphne.

“Droobles are talking about making them a more main-stream product, but yeah, Weasleys Wheezes only for now.” said Harry. “How’d you know Daphne?”

“The silk lining is watermarked with overlapping double-you’s” said Daphne. “And the box is too big.” With that, Daphne lowered her wand. “Friends, this sort of pathetic present is what I have to tolerate” she said.

Harry rummaged in his left coat pocket and pulled out another shrunken black velvet box “Well, there’s this little thing” He said, tossing it to Daphne, where it landed in her lap. Daphne tapped it with her wand and it expanded into a hat-box sized velvet box. Daphne rolled her eyes and opened the box, which had a tall lid. A small silvery tiara with a few small gems sat there. Daphne looked down at it dismissively, then bent down, stared carefully, and frowned “Harry!” she said, stridently.

“Well, it’s not lost anymore” said Harry.

“The lost diadem of Rowena Ravenclaw” said Daphne stiffly “Is not a gift. It’s a priceless historical treasure!”

“So are you… .priceless” said Harry. “It’s not even cursed. Anymore.”

Daphne picked up the small diadem and asked “And if I put it on?”

“Well, that’s a bit painful yeah,” said Harry, “But you do get super clever, apart from the nosebleeds.”

“Arse” said Daphne, and put the diadem on and stared at Harry. Well, except that once the Daidem went on her head, she shuddered, and fell backwards, staring fixedly at the ceiling, finally, lifting one arm shakily ,and taking it off. She sat up “That was uncomfortable” said Daphne.

“But you did feel super clever” suggested Harry.

“I might have finally understood some arithmancy” admitted Daphne. “But the ideas elude me now.”

“Well it’s still effectively cursed.” said Harry “Only works while worn. And isn’t any use for revising notes.”

“So why give it to me?” asked Daphne.

“So you can donate it back to Hogwarts.” said Harry. “Ravenclaws’ ghost, the Grey Lady will probably be very happy. Then the Headmistress can use it, for example to read Hermione’s essays.”

Daphne put the diadem back in the box and closed it, and shrank it, and pocketed it. “When am I donating it?”

“Oh, you could do it tonight at dinner?” asked Harry.

“I’d rather not” said Daphne.

“Well, you can owl it to her” suggested Harry, taking out another box.

“Is that a prank or a priceless historical treasure?” asked Daphne.

“Neither” said Harry, tossing Daphne the box, that she caught. Expanded, it was larger than the diadem box.

Daphne opened it, and it was full of jewellery, pinned in place. A tiara, necklace, earrings, bracelets, and three rings. All covered in diamonds and black pearls.

“I read” said Harry “that jewellery was a traditional courting gift. I am a bit behind on gifts, so here’s a set. It’s an old Black family set.”

Daphne rolled her eyes “This is excessive, you berk,” she said fondly.

“Well, and I was late getting here” said Harry.

“We could buy a house with this” said Daphne sternly.

“No need, Sirius is giving us a Chateau.” said Harry. “Great-Grandmother Melania’s”

“Daph?” asked Lily “He’s getting a chateau, and just heaved two small fortunes in treasure at you. Cut him some slack.”

Daphne closed the box, shrank it and pocket it “Well… you came prepared. Well done. Do try to be on time. If you are late to our wedding I will be moved to revenge.”

“Noted” said Harry seriously “Can I have a seat?”

“You can sit on the floor” said Daphne. Harry sat down and scooted over to lie against Daphne’s legs.

“Ugh… the kneazle treatment” said Daphne. Harry reached behind himself and awkwardly stroked her leg. Daphne kicked gently “Not in public!” she said.

“No PDA?” asked Millicent. “He’s on a short lead.”

“No comment” said Harry, leaning against Daphne’s shins.

Five or ten minutes later Daphne said “Get up, my legs are losing circulation, you big lump”

Harry stood up and Daphne stood, and pointed at the seat “Sit!” she said.

Harry sat, held out his arms and Daphne sat on his lap, and Harry wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on her shoulder, eyes closed.

Daphne had a slight smile “Well” she said “Now my legs have circulation again, anyone for some games?”

“How about, stories about my secret super powerful boyfriend” said Tracey.

Daphne shook her head “I only have a fiancee, so I can’t play that game. Tell us about Charlie Weasley, Davis Tamer?”

Tracey smiled sweetly “Dear Daphne” she said “The back story is that there are six Weasley sons. We all know Ronald, and the Twins, and may remember Percy, the Ministry Weasely. There are two more, Bill, the oldest, who’s a curse-breaker and married to Fleur Delacour; the Veela from Beauxbatons, and Charlie Weasley, Dragon handler. He was back from Romania for a little war, and I met him. He’s neither gay nor asexual. But he’s gone back to Romania, as Dragons mean more to him than mere witches.”

“Oh I’m sorry” said Daphne. “I didn’t know.”

“Well, he was a bit dragon-obssessed” admitted Tracey. “Big – ”

“Tracey!” interrupted Lily.

“Chest” said Tracey “What, did you think I was going to say dick?” She giggled.

“That reminds me Harry” said Daphne “I’ll be checking with Pansy later.”

“Please don’t” said Harry, eyes still closed.

“Relax” said Daphne “You’re the only one for me.”

“Ohhh” said Tracey “That’s quite sweet.”

Harry nuzzled Daphne’s neck, and she shivered “Stop that” said Daphne “No PDA.”

Half an hour later Harry tapped Daphne on the leg “Geroff” he said “I’ve got dead legs”

Daphne got off his lap and Harry slowly rose to his feet and staggered to the door, turning “See you later Daphne, ladies.”

“He’s not going to stay” said Lily.

“Romantic as having Daphne sit on my lap for six hours is… I might lose the use of my legs. There’s not room to sit here, so I’ll have to go sit in my compartment. Where there is a little room.” said Harry.

“Do you expect me to come sit with your friends?” asked Daphne.

“If you feel you want to” said Harry. “It’s Ron, Hermione, and Luna. Neville will drop by at some point and Draco already came by to remind me to come see you.”

Daphne shook her head. “That is surreal” she said.

As Harry left the compartment Daphne asked “Where are you anyway?”

“Last carriage, last compartment. My usual.” said Harry, leaving the compartment.

Daphne sighed softly.

Harry had gone back to sleep on his seat, to be woken once more by a vicious poke from Hermione.

Daphne and her sister stood in the doorway.

“Hi Daphne, Astoria. Everyone this is Astoria Greengrass, Daphne’s sister.” said Harry.

Luna offered Astoria her Quibbler.

“The quibbler.” said Astoria dismissively “I don’t think so”

“Well there is a crossword puzzle” said Luna, opening the paper backwards, and handed it to a surprised Astoria.

Astoria stared at the crossword puzzle for a few seconds “It’s not in English” she said, sounding confused.

“Runes” said Luna dismissively.

“Which kind?” asked Hermione.

“Oh all of them” said Luna blandly. Hermione’s face froze. Astoria stared at the crossword puzzle “This… you’re a Ravenclaw aren’t you?” asked Astoria.

“Oh I’ve been reading runes since I could walk” said Luna “It’s quite easy really.”

Astoria's lips moved “The questions are cryptic, and the answers are in a mixture of runes. This is impossible!”

“It takes a few days for most readers” said Luna. “We only print once a fortnight, so it has to take a while to be good value for money.”

Daphne took the quibbler from her sister and scanned the crossword puzzle.

“This” said Daphne “Is insanely difficult.” Hermione rolled her eyes and held out her hand, and took the proffered quibbler.

Luna had taken out another one from her bag and was reading it upside down.

“Why are you reading upside down” asked Astoria. Harry winced.

“Because I learnt to read by reading set type for the quibbler” said Luna lightly “Which is upside down and backwards, so if it’s upside down, it looks a bit more natural to me.”

Hermione’s head turned like a tank turret to leave her staring at Luna “That’s why you read everything upside-down?” Hermione asked.

“Well, obviously.” said Luna “It’s not like I’m mad.”

Hermione went back to looking at the crossword puzzle. “Luna” she said in a small voice “How do you handle letters overlapping in different runic sets?”

“That’s a clue too” said Luna “Either the language is the same, or has a common symbol. If you’re on an easy puzzle, it’s the same character.”

“You mean to tell me, you have to solve the puzzle in all possible languages and pick what fits?” asked Hermione.

“It takes a little getting used to.” admitted Luna. “The next page has a harder one.”

Hermione turned the page and blinked, and handed it back to Daphne, who went a big green.

“Luna” asked Hermione “Two crossword puzzles?” she asked.

“The easy one takes three days or so for most people, and the hard one, a week” said Luna brightly.

“And then the Quibbler comes out again, four days later” said Daphne levelly.

“When someone hasn’t blown up our printing press” said Luna blandly.

“Sorry” said Harry in a small voice.

“Luna, who sets the puzzles?” asked Hermione.

“Miss Tick sets the easy one, and Baron Marmaduke Zaccheaus von Gribbleflotz sets the hard one.” said Luna. “They’re almost volunteers, they just love runic crosswords”

“Luna” said Hermione firmly “Is the quibbler, in fact, the premier runic crossword magazine, with some extra stories in just for fun?”

“The stories are the best part” said Luna “People used to write in and tell us all kinds of things. It’s really hard when all you have is boring ministry press releases and death-eaters taking me off to be imprisoned.”

Daphne looked over at Hermione and shook her head “I’m so sorry” she said “I thought muggle things were mad, and now I discover, I’m an idiot, and the Ravenclaw cabal have had a newspaper to share strange ideas, and impossibly difficult crosswords.”

“Well, there are arithmantic puzzles as well, but they’re a bit dull” said Luna.

Daphne handed Hermione back the newspaper, and she flicked through it, and started reading. Soon the newspaper was lowered shakily and Hermione croaked “I need to start revising. I have forgotten everything.”

“Lovegood” said Daphne “A subscription. I need to scrub up my runes, and it looks like ideal Arithmancy revision material if Danger Granger needs to revise.”

“Harry” said Ron “I feel the need to read the sports section of the Prophet about now.”

“In a string vest” suggested Harry.

“Drinking beer” added Ron.

Hermione turned her head and stared at Ron. He smiled “Just kidding” he squeaked.

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